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11/08/2011

From Farm to Fame- Chapter 23


"Stupid truck."  I muttered to myself, my truck had broken down on the side of the highway. Not far enough from Appaloosa plains, but not close enough to the next town. My phone was dead, all the desperate calls from Gaige that I ignored drained the battery. I couldn't call for help, I didn't want to try heading back, and it was way too far to walk into the next town. I could hitchhike, but there weren't too many cars coming along...it could take a while.

I felt a moment of relief when a car pulled up in front of me, somebody had stopped to help. That feeling went away when I realized it was Gaige's car. I tried again to start the truck, I hadn't changed my mind, and I didn't want to see the look on his face again. I hated that I'd hurt him. "Oh come on you piece of crap. Damn it!"

I kept my window rolled up, and stayed in the truck trying to ignore him, it still seemed easier. It wasn't really possible to ignore him however, and I could still hear him through the window, desperate for my attention. "Rachelle, at least roll down the window. Please? You can't stay locked up in there forever. I'll wait right here for as long as it takes."

I tried to ignore him a little while longer but eventually gave up, and rolled down the window. "You came chasing after me, really? I don't want you to follow me, I want you to go away. I don't want to see you again. Ever. Just go." I knew I would only be hurting him more, and I felt horrible about it. I just hoped he let me go easier, and we wouldn't drag it out. I didn't want to drag it out, in the end it would only hurt us both more.

"I hoped you would have thought things over and changed your mind. I don't want to lose you, I don't want you to leave. I love you. Please... just stop this. We've made it through so much together already. We can make it through this, we have to. We can't just throw this away." I could hear the hurt growing in voice.

"Gaige..." I tried to fight back more tears "I'm really sorry, I am. I'm not changing my mind though. You'll be better off with out me, you'll see. Just let me go. It will stop hurting sooner if you let me go sooner."

"It's never going to stop either way." He paused for a moment, and sighed. "At least let me take you into town or something. Please, I want to at least know you are safe...and if you still want to leave by the time we get there, I'll let you go. If it's what you really want, I just want you to be happy... though I'd be happy if your happiness included me."

"Just let me use your phone. I'll call for somebody else to come get me."

I called my dad, the farm was where I wanted to go anyway, and I knew I could count on him. "Daddy... I want to come home. Can you come get me please? I'm stuck on the highway towards home, a little ways outside of Appaloosa plains. There's a reststop I can go back to"

"You're crying, why are you crying? Is it that husband of yours, I'll kill him."

"Just please come get me. I don't want to talk about it right now, it's complicated."

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thank-you." I hung up and gave Gaige back his phone. "There, you can go now."

"Let me take you back to the rest stop at least, it's a long way to walk."

I let him take me back, I figured it couldn't get more awkward anyway. He still wouldn't leave after we got there. "Now what is your excuse? Why won't you go away?"

"I'm not going to leave you here alone. It'll be hours before your dad can get here, I'll worry about you."

"You should worry more about you... you should leave before he gets here."

"I didn't do anything, why should I worry? I'm just trying to keep you safe."

"You're waiting around hoping I'll change my mind. I won't."

"That too. I really do want to make sure you are safe though. We don't have talk or anything, just stay in my car where you are safe."

I waited in his car until my dad came, we didn't speak at all, and it was very awkward. I just knew it would be no use to argue with him, and I did feel safer with him there. Even with Carlos dead, I still worried about there being other people like him chasing after me.

I was so relieved when I saw a flash of headlights and looked back to see my dads truck. I could finally get away. Gaige wouldn't be able to follow me anymore, my dad would make sure of that. I wouldn't have to see the hurt look on his face, or hear the hurt in voice as he tried to get me to change my mind. I took a depth breath before opening the door to get out. "I guess this is good-bye. I'm really sorry" I started to cry again. "I'm going to miss you so much. Please make sure they know I love them... I only did this for their good, and yours. Not to hurt anybody."

 I'd gotten out of the car but hadn't yet shut the door when Gaige spoke, this time he sounded more angry then hurt. "Well that didn't go very well did it? I can't tell them you love them, you have to show them... you have to show me. You don't love them, or me. If you did you wouldn't be leaving, so stop saying you do, stop saying you're sorry... because none of it's true. You don't know how to tell Haylie and Ian that their real dad is dead, and you can't handle that it might hurt them because they won't get the chance to know him, which they wouldn't have anyway... but you are going to take yourself out of their lives. That isn't any better, it's worse. You chose this."

"Carlos made the choice too, but he didn't do it with any good intentions. I do mean well, trouble just finds me, and when it finds me it finds the people I care about."

"I'm not done. I'm not listening to excuses, I'm not giving you the chance to redeem yourself. I've been fighting for us since you decided to leave. I've tried call you and work things out, I came and found you trying to work things out. I've waited here until you could leave safely, hoping in that somewhere in that time, you'd come to sense. I've proven how much I care about you...and you still want to leave.  You can go, I'm done fighting for you. I need people who are going to stay in my life, I'm not fighting for someone who doesn't want to stay. Everybody leaves me... you are the first to do so by choice, and I never thought you would do so. I thought forever meant forever, and I'll never forgive you. You made your choice, you had your chance to change your mind. Don't think that I'll still welcome you back if you ever do, I won't."

It felt like someone shot through my heart and it got blown into a million pieces. I knew I deserved what he said to me, but it didn't make it hurt any less. I couldn't even move the pain had complete control. I don't remember when he finally drove away, or anything that followed.

11/07/2011

From Farm to Fame- Chapter 22


The breaking news report came on, Carlos had been found dead in a burned down old house, it was way faster than I had expected it to be. I expected it to be days before I found out he died, or hours before he came after me... but I wouldn't have been able to relax until I knew he was dead. Gaige was thrilled with the news.

"It's about time, just too bad I wasn't the one kill him. Whoever did deserves a million dollars."

I sat in silence, I was relieved in a way, but the feeling of guilt had only worsened. I knew he deserved it, but I didn't enjoy being part of others pain, no matter how much they deserved it.

"I thought you'd be even happier, why do you look so miserable? You don't actually miss him do you?"
I shook my head no.

"Then why do you look so sad. I don't get it."

"You remember earlier when you asked me what was going on?" It turned out that he had been in the kitchen and overheard part of the conversation between Traci and I, but not enough to know what was happening, and I wouldn't tell him.

"I remember yes, why?"

I sighed, I still didn't really want to tell him, but knew I should. "That girl.... she was the one who killed Carlos. She wanted my help to get him to go to that house so she find him easily, but not be seen by anybody. I just feel bad for helping, even though it's better that he's dead."

"That just proves that you're still a good person. I think you are the only person in the world who would feel guilty. I love that about you, but don't be upset about it. You can't change it now anyway."

"Yeah tell that to Haylie and Ian, I'm sure they'd love to hear why their father is dead." I stood up and started to walk away.

"Wait. If that is what is making you feel so guilty, don't. They were never going to get to see him anyway, it's not like they are going to miss anything. He might as well be dead to them. They have somebody to love them as a father would, you know how much they mean to me. They don't even have to know the difference."

"I don't think we can hide the difference. You may able to be love them just the same as if they were your own, but they aren't going to be too dumb to know the difference. You look at Ian and tell me he doesn't look like Carlos. They're going to want to know who their real father is, they're going to want to know him, and the only thing they'll ever get to know is that he is dead." I just started to cry, it was so hard to deal with, I wished I could go back and change it. All of it, right from leaving the farm. It would mean not knowing Gaige, and never having my babies, but nobody else would pay the price for my mistakes.

Gaige pulled me close, and held me tight. "It'll be ok."

"No it won't."

"It will. I know what it's like not to have either parent, they'll be just fine. They have us here to support them if nothing else, it'll be ok. Just please don't be upset. I hate this, I've never seen you this upset. I just want to make it better."

I pulled myself away from him. "I just need to get out of here, away from it all."

"Where do you want to go? We'll go wherever you want."

"I want to go home. To the farm. Alone, I want to forget all of this. I want to stop messing everything up for everybody else."

"You don't mean that do you? I know you're upset right now, but it'll get better.It's not always going to feel this way. Please don't leave, just stay. I can't lose you Rachelle."  I watched as the hurt spread across the face, the look would haunt me for the rest of my life.

"Yes, I do mean it. I'm sorry. I love you, and I love them. I'm always going to, which is why I need to go."

I left without looking back, I couldn't handle seeing what I was leaving behind me, I knew it would just make me stay... but it was better if I didn't. I drove my truck until I found a roadside turnout along the highway, I stopped there for the night. I knew I shouldn't have been driving at all, I was to upset to pay attention to what I was doing, but I had to get as far as I did.

11/05/2011

From Farm to Fame- Chapter 21


I found it easier to distract myself over the summer, with Gaige at home during the day again, the babies, and remodling the half-destroyed kichen... I didn't have much time to think about Carlos, and I hadn't seen the hooded figure in a few weeks. It was nice to not worry about any of it for a while.

I never even thought any better about answering the door, which I was something I hadn't done since Carlos showed up at the house in Bridgeport. I regretted it when I opened it to see the hooded figure.

"I wasn't imagining things after all, what the hell do you want?"

I was surprised when a female voice spoke, I had assumed it was carlos. "That's not a very polite way to speak to somebody. It would be polite to offer me to come in."

"Why don't you take off your hood, and tell me who you are first?"

"I would rather not remove my hood right now. I am Traci Davila."

The name sounded very familiar, it took me a minute to figure out why. "Oh my god. You're one of those girls... one of the ones that went missing...everybody thinks Carlos killed you."

"He did."

"But you're talking to me and standing on my porch.... you can't be dead."

"I am a vampire, Carlos killed me and it is what I became."

"Right.... sure.... and I thought I had gone crazy."

"It is true, please let me come in. I will prove it to you, but I promise I will not hurt you. It is Carlos that I want to hurt."

"You should have just started with that."

"Does that mean I can come in. You have to tell me I can come in."

"Yes, you may come in." I still didn't believe she was a vampire but figured I'd play along.

"Thank-you."

I let her in and took her coat. She definitely didn't look human, her eyes and skin glowed like the vampires in the stories my brother told me when I was little. I had never imagined they could be true, I just hoped that vampires could be nice unlike the ones in my brothers stories. I was glad Gaige was distracted by whatever he was doing on the computer though, as he would have been freaking out.

"So... I wasn't imagining things... I have been seeing you around."

"Yes, I have been following you. I'm sorry, I know it put a great deal of stress on you. I just can't track down Carlos, and I am sure that he will be chasing you down again eventually. He's laying low somewhere for a while, but he'll be back. I don't want to miss the moment he returns. I want my revenge. I want him to die. I have not been able to figure out how I will kill him without being seen. I do not want anybody to see me like this. This is a small town, people remember me as a human, a young and innocent girl, I do not want to taint that memory with the reality of what I am. Everybody has suffered enough with all of this, I do not want to give them another reason not to trust anybody." She stopped talking.

I gave her a minute to continue but she didn't, and I wondered if I had missed something. "and...."

"Sorry, I was just figuring out how to say the rest. I need your help, I can't let anybody else see me...but I want to make sure Carlos does. When he's dying I want him to know that it is because I wanted my revenge, he didn't get away with killing me that easily."

"I think I know where this is going, and I am sorry but I can't help you. I can't take the chance that something will happen. I care what happens to my family, and if any of them get caught in the middle and get hurt, I will never be able to forgive myself. My husband would never allow it anyway, it's slightly amazing he hasn't come to kick you out yet honestly."

"I just need you to tell him to go somewhere... I believe you have a cellphone, and on it you have his cellphone number. You just need to text him... tell him you will meet him somewhere, you do not want your husband to find you but you have realized you love him after all. He'll fall for it."

I'd forgotten i'd ever put his number on my phone, I had many contacts I never called and couldn't be bothered to delete. I agreed to help her, as it wouldn't put my family in anymore danger. I'd just assumed that I would need to let him in my home, I was not expecting something so simple.

It wasn't long before he replied... "He want's to know when.... he says he can be there in an hour."

"An hour works for me." She was gone faster than I could blink, I just heard the door slamming shut behind her.

I did feel a bit of guilt for my role in her plan, if it worked I had just aided in the murder of another human. Of course Carlos deserved to die for what he did, and I wouldn't have to live fear any more... but I still could shake the feeling of guilt. I also knew that if something went wrong and Traci couldn't kill him I would be in more danger than ever before. He would be after revenge, and I already knew what he was capable of when he was only after pleasure.

From Farm to Fame- Chapter 20


I felt like an idiot, and I dreaded what would happen when Gaige got home. He'd likely agree I was an idiot, and wonder even more about my sanity than he already did. I knew that although he didn't say it, he thought that the stress was making me insane. Setting fire to half the kitchen, because I was distracted by the figure looking in the window was not going to help my case at all....especially since nobody believed they were ever there. Nobody ever saw them but me, but I was positive I wasn't imagining things...no matter what everybody thought.

I saw the look on his face when he walked in, it only made me feel more like an idiot...not at all comforting or reassuring. "I know I'm an idiot, and I'm careless, and I've gone insane. Please don't say it."

"I wasn't going to."

"But you're thinking it aren't you?"

"I'm thinking I'm getting worried about you. You never burn anything at all, so I'm wondering why half the kitchen is burnt."

"Because I'm stupid and careless."

"Would you stop saying that, and just tell me what actually happened."

"They were at the window again... I went to check outside for them and search around the house... by the time I came back in the fire had started."

"I see." He looked even more worried, and I knew he was worried about my sanity.

"See you're thinking it now, I can tell by the look on your face."

"I'm still just thinking about how worried I'm getting about you. I wish I knew how to help you."

"I wish I knew how to make you believe me, and you wouldn't have to worry so much."

"I think I will worry more if you can ever prove it."

"But you won't think I'm insane."

"I think we should go out for dinner."

I decided to ignore the change of subject from my sanity, and the fact that he hadn't offered reassurance. "I thought we could just order pizza or something. I don't want to go out to dinner with the babies, and it's awfully short notice for a babysitter."

"You just don't want to leave the house. You haven't left the house since you saw that figure at the grocery store. You need to get out and have some fun...and since we can't make anything here, it's a good opportunity to get out. I'll be with you, you'll be fine. You know it's never a problem getting a babysitter here, everybody loves looks after them."

"What if Carlos comes here while we are out? I don't want to be away from them... I'm scared of what he could do to defenseless babies... I don't feel safe unless they are with one of us. Even then it still scares me."

"He won't. The police just drive back and forth down the street, they will be here if he even attempts anything. We won't be far away either, and the babysitter can call us if anything happens, we'll come rushing right back.... it won't take long at all. Please?"

"Fine, but if anything bad happens..."

"you'll never forgive me. I know."

I couldn't enjoy dinner at all, it wasn't enough to distract me from everything. I was still worried about the babies, and about the hooded figure I kept seeing. The figure that was standing right across the street.

"Gaige! Look! They're right there, behind you!" I pointed at the spot where they had been standing.

"Rachelle....there's no one there."

I was frustrated "There was, they're gone now. They were there though."

"They can't have gone anywhere that fast... there's nowhere for them to go."

I thought about it and realized he was right. They'd been standing in an open field, there was no way they could have gone out of sight so fast...it only took a couple seconds for Gaige to look over. "Oh my god, I am seeing things. I have gone insane."

"You haven't gone insane. You are stressed, and understandably so. It'll be ok, you'll get through it....we'll get through it. You know I'll do anything I can to help you."