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12/02/2011

From Farm to Fame- Chapter 25

It had been slightly more than 3 years since I had left Gaige and my children, I'd begun to realize it was all for nothing. I was not protecting them from anything. I'd just hurt the person who meant the most to me, who had stayed by my side through everything... proving everyday just how much he loved me. We'd been through so much together, and I had thrown it away...for nothing. I regretted it everyday.

I regreted it most standing at the edge of the bridge, reflecting back on the day. It was the kind of day I would have gone home trying to act as if everything was okay because I wouldn't want to worry Gaige or cause him to over react, but he would have seen through it. Demanded to know what happened, and threaten to go out after revenge. Still he'd stay with me, arms wrapped around me trying to make me feel better. I'd try to convince him to just let it go, I didn't want him getting involved and risking getting hurt. Of course I had been the one to hurt him in the end. He hated me now, and it would be the waves of the river wrapped around me, only offering the comfort that soon everything would be over. I would no longer feel pain or regret, I would fail at nothing else, I would finally be free.

The words that had set everything in motion that day echoed in my head as I took a deep breath and moved even closer to the edge...close enough that my toes hung over the edge. "Love, can I get an order of you to go." The pervert at the diner, his voice had the same sinister tone that Carlos' did, and I imagine that had I ever turned around to look at him he would have the same creepy grin. Guys like that were all the same, I didn't need to look over to know that. I had ignored him, and been fired. Explaining to my boss why hadn't helped, he insisted girls like me were servers for a reason. He'd fired me in front of everybody in the diner,  with 20 or so customers and staff watching. I was embarassed, and took the walk of shame out, I could see his shadow as he followed me out, still yelling various lines at me. I have no idea when he vanished, but by the time I had gotten to the bridge I'd had enough of it all. Enough of life.

I turned around, I decided I would fall back into the water below, I didn't want to watch the water and rocks approaching and wonder which one would kill me first. I saw her face when I turned around, Roxanne she had been one of my co-workers at the dinner and was also my best...and only... friend. I felt bad watching the look of horror spread across her usually smiling and bubbly face, but it would be the last time I would dissappoint anybody. "Rachelle, what the hell are you doing? Stop it right now. Don't be stupid."

"Please go away."

"No, just don't be like this. Come on, I know you're emarassed and upset, but this can't be your solution."

"I failed at everything. I failed at life. I have nothing to live for. "

"You haven't failed at life until you die, and you aren't dead yet. You don't have to fail. You just have to stop running from things. Stop running and face things head on, maybe you'll stop failing."

"Running is easier. Even when I try to face things head on, I fail. Why wouldn't I just run?"

"Fine, then we will run together. You from your life, and me from the misery of losing my best friend." She stood beside me on the bridge and linked her arm through mine. "On the count of 3?"

I pulled myself free. "I hate you for that."

"And I hate you for making me do that. Now let's get as far away from here as possible."

Defeated I climbed into her car, she locked the doors as soon as we were both in. "Now you can't get away. I'm in control. You don't get to make decisions now, you have to go wherever I take you."

"Which is where?"

"I don't know. We're just going to drive and see what happens. We'll get you out of this town, and maybe you'll calm down enough to find your common sense."

"Isn't that the same as running?"

"Yes it is, but it's better than running towards death. Sometimes exceptions have to be made."

I didn't bother telling her that we would never stop driving if we were waiting until I was no longer about to kill myself. I wanted out of life, I wanted my freedom from everything that had happened. I would never change my mind.

Day faded into night  and night back day, and still we drove. We only stopped to get gas or make stops at the bathroom... following me right to the door and waiting right outside it. I felt like a criminal or something. We didn't speak to  each other at all, I just found myself going between fits of anger and clenching my fists while fighting back the urge to say anything... I knew I shouldn't have been angry, and fit of sadness and just crying until the sadness turned back into anger. I didn't know however, what to feel when we passed in front of a familar house. There were so many emotions to choose between, fear was the one that sunk in when the car came to a stop out front.

I heard a click and noticed the door had been unlocked. "I think it's safe to let you out now. I don't think you will be able to run from here, I think somebody else will stop you." She smiled, and I noticed that she had been looking at the window of the house, where they were standing and watching us.

"I think this is the worst  place to be right now...let's just keep going please."

"Actually I think this exactly where I was looking for, this is where I wanted to take you the whole time. Like I said you don't get to make decisions anymore, so I decided to make this one for you. We're not leaving now, I am. You are not."