From Farm to Fame- Chapter 29

It was difficut getting used to how different everything was. How there were actually days when Gaige and I fought, and over the stupidest things. He hadn't totally forgiven me, and he never would. We were always going to have those days, though they became fewer and farther between as time went on. Having to deal with the soical workers and trying to get the children back, it was difficult not knowing where they were or if I'd ever see them again. Gaige had told me about how it seemed as if they were picking on him, accussing him of things that weren't true and constantly changing the conditions he had to follow to get them back. I couldn't believe that they would do anything like that, until I ended up involved in all of it as well. It had all started because of my leaving, and everybody found it suspicous. Everybody thought I was guilty, and that Gaige was just trying to help me hide... nobody believed I'd ever leave him. Since they couldn't find any evidence to support their theory, it seemed they found other reasons... true or not... I wondered where they got their information from. I wondered if it was really them picking on us, or somebody feeding them false information.

Everything we did went through the social worker. Our lives monitored all the time. I had to hide how I really felt from them, how I still kind of wanted to jump off the bridge... how I felt like I was in pieces everywhere that could never be put back together. Some days I felt like they could probably see all the pieces lying about, but I put on a smile anyway. I found a new job in journalism, it was one of their conditions that I got a job so we'd be able to support the children... though Gaige made more than enough at the hospital.  When Gaige got transfered to the Twinbrook hospital, that had to be approved by the social worker too. Though I'd kind of hoped they say no, I knew it was a big deal to Gaige and I wasn't going to be the one to say no to him... I owed him some happiness, but they agreed to it. It did lead to the condition that we'd need to find a bigger house. Until then we'd have to stay in my ugly little house there that wasn't even worth as much as Gaige's car... which only reminded me of how horrible Twinbrook was.

I managed to arrange for a transfer at my job as well, and once we were actually in Twinbrook, it seemed far less depressing than it had before. Everyday got better and easier, and life was settling down nicely again. Or it was until I was walking home from work one day, and noticed somebody following behind me. They ducked out of sight when I looked back, but not fast enough for me to avoid seeing them. It was Carlos, somehow alive, just as I had feared.

I ran the rest of the way home, terrified by his sudden re-appearance, but also confused... he'd managed to convince everybody he was dead for more than 3 years... why would he so suddenly show up? Or had been following me the whole time? I realized that the guy at the diner must have been him after all, so he'd likely been following me at least since then, and it had been a few months. How had nobody noticed him though? His story was not unknown anywhere, he'd caused trouble everywhere... surely it would have been known if somebody had noticed his reappearance. I was lost in thought trying to figure it out when I heard the door open behind me, and I jumped. "Gaige?!"

I shuddered when Carlos' sinister tone replied "Try again love."

"Carlos..." I turned around terrified of what would happen, knowing he was probably finally seeking his revenge. "What do you want?"

"Awww come on love, don't act so bothered by my being here. You've missed me, I know it and you know it."

"I miss you being dead... but obviously you never were. Why aren't you dead anyway?"

"Your friend let her emotions get in the way... decided she couldn't go through with her plan after all. You shouldn't have trusted her, now your family gets to pay the price. That was a dumb move too, by the way. I was beginning to wonder, but I knew you'd go back eventually. You're pathetic and desperate for attention... that idiot husband of yours is so desperate to fill the emptiness in his life that it doesn't matter what you do. It was only a matter of time."

"You better not do anything to him, I swear... whatever you do to him... I will make you suffer twice as much."

"So I assume this means you'd rather I go after your children."

It took a moment for it to sink in, and I imagine I looked pretty stupid standing there as I worked out what he had said. "You know where they are?"

His typical creepy grin grew... I wondered if it ever vanished from his face at all... or if his face had stuck that way. "Of course I do..."

I realized that social services had been getting all their info from him, he was behind it, trying to get my children in his control and out of Gaiges, he would die for them... Carlos would kill them for his own gain. "You're the reason.... You... I'll kill you." I stepped closer not really sure what my move would be, but ready to strike with whatever came to mind at the time.

My hand was raised by the time I got close enough to him that I would be able to smack him... it wouldn't kill him but it was a start. He grabbed my hand mid-smack, grinning even more. "Well, if you don't kill me, I might be able to be persuaded  into sparing your husband and children. If you kill me they'll all die."
I stepped back, I already knew the answer but I had to ask anyway. "How?"

"I think you know..."

"and you call Gaige an idiot... you're more desperate than he is, and it's all to pleasure your sick twisted mind. I'm not giving you what you want. You're disgusting."

"Well, you know what will happen otherwise..."

"You're bluffing."

"I'm not... the breaks on your husbands won't work when he has to stop at too high of a speed.... they are so unfortunately close to breaking. He does tend to be a bit of a speed demon too doesn't he, odd for somebody who sees the mutilated bodies of crash victims... I'm sure you've heard those stories though.  "

I screamed, "Stop..... just stop. You win." I couldn't listen to it anymore, it was killing me to hear what would happen to Gaige and visualize it... I didn't want to know what he would do to my children.

He laughed, his laugh even more sinister than his voice and creepier than his grin. "I knew I would."
He tried to grab me, but I stepped back. "Not so fast. I need to know my family is safe first. How do I know that you aren't going to hurt them anyway? How is my husband supposed to be safe when he has to get home in his car?"

"Don't worry, I'll finish with you in time to get him safely... for now anyway."

I wasn't convinced, it wasn't long before Gaige finished work, unless there was an emergency and he had to stay late."No. I need to know he's safe first."

"Fine you can call him, but make it quick... and don't think I won't notice if you call anybody else... like the cops."

"And my children... I need to know they're safe too."

"Fine, but nothing else. You're lucky I'm being this nice."

I paused for a moment before dailing, trying to figure out exactly what I would say. Everything had to go just right, or I'd have nothing.


From Farm to Fame- Chapter 28

By the time I reached the edge of the walkway from the house, the shack and anger had begun to wear off and the guilt set in. It was my fault, and I wanted nothing more than to turn around and apologize, but I knew my apology would mean nothing. Sometimes sorry doesn't cut it, and it was one of those time, how could it not be? I had cost Gaige his children, there was no denying how much he loved them and how important they were to him. Even Haylie and Ian... he treated them just like his own. Ian and Nate were his boys, the ones he would teach to play catch and do all those father son things... the things he never got to do with his father. He treated Haylie just like daddies little girl, sweet and innocent and in need of daddies protection, it would have been the same with the youngest twins too. He gave them what he never got to have growing up, and it was his first chance to experience those things too just in a slightly different way, it was his first chance to experience being part of a normal family... or at least somewhat normal.

I kept going until I got to the beach. I could walk towards the river and let the water wash away my problems once and for all, but there were too many people around, many of them already watching me. It would be very hard to hide what I was up to. My attempt failed on the bridge where I could have just plummeted off before anybody could react, of course I might have succeeded if I hadn't wasted my time figuring out what exactly I would do, had I just jumped without thinking Roxanne never would have been able to stop me. I stood staring across the river trying to ignore the looks everybody was giving me while I tried to figure out what to do next.

A voice came from behind me after a few minutes, it was Gaige, I could tell he had gone back to being concerned... I just couldn't understand why he would be. "You know you are my biggest emergency right now. The hospital always beeps me first, but somebody else will go in. This is between us, nobody else can fill in."

"Why are you even bothering with me? I've been so horrible to you, you deserve so much better... you're an amazing person. It is my fault, you're right and I shouldn't have been mad at you. I'm so sorry, I can't even begin to describe how sorry I am... and I know that doesn't mean anything to you but I do mean it."

"There's the Rachelle I fell in love with. Actually dealing with things instead of running from them and making them worse. Owning up to what she's done. I should be sorry this time though, I shouldn't have blamed you for the children being taken away. It was because of you leaving, but I know you didn't choose for it to happen. There was no way you could have even know it was going to happen... nobody could have. I didn't even know it was coming, I just showed up at the hospital when you had our twins, and was told I couldn't see them... or the rest of the children, no warning or anything.  Of course it seem there never is any warning when you're about to lose somebody you love."

"Well that made me feel even worse. I can't believe they did that to you... I can't believe I did that to you. Oh I'm such an idiot, I can't believe how much I messed things up. I am really sorry."

"Why don't you stop apologizing, and just promise that you won't leave ever again? That the Rachelle that does stupid things like running away is gone, and that the Rachelle I'm talking to right now is here to stay."

"I promise." I let him pull me close, and rested my head on his shoulder. I missed those moments, where we just stayed close to each other...whether it was like then where we had made up after a fight, or it was just because we enjoyed being in each others company and just wanted to have a peaceful moment. It felt like we'd never been apart, and I didn't want the moment to end. It was just too perfect.


From Farm to Fame- Chapter 27

I sat listening to the clock as it slowly ticked past each painfully awkward second. Never had I been anywhere so quiet, and something about it didn't seem right. I had expected the awkward silence between Gaige and I. I knew he was still mad, he couldn't understand why I had left or even begin to accept it. I knew the chances that he would forgive me were slim, and I didn't expect him to be willing to talk to me when he didn't really want me around. I didn't expect however, that 5 children could be so quiet for so long. It worried me. Each second the clock ticked past, was another second I spent questioning the silence...worrying about the silence... about my children.

It seemed as if nothing could be more awkward and out of place as the clocks ticking, until I spoke and my own voice broke through the silence. "So... where is everybody?"

I had been looking straight ahead the whole time, but I could tell through the corner of my eye that he had been watching me with a very concerned look on face. That look suddenly vanished as I looked back over at him, and was replaced with an anger. I couldn't understand what he would be angry about, but I braced myself for the yelling. "You mean the 5 children you left for me to look after on my own. They were taken away from me, thanks to you. I don't know where they are, I don't get to see or talk to them."

I don't know what I had been expecting, but that wasn't it.  I do know it was the most painful thing I had ever experienced. "What? No." The more I proccessed what he had said the harder I cried "No... You can't be serious. Why didn't I know about this? When did I lose the right to know where the hell my children are?"

"When you abandoned them. I've lost that right too, and I didn't even do anything. I lost that right because of what you did. That's why I can't forgive you. I lost everything because of you."

"Well I assumed that they were with you, I assumed they were safe. I know you would have taken care of them, I was counting on that. At least you haven't been lied to. Don't be mad at me either, I'm the one who should be mad right now. I had no idea that this would happen, I never would have chosen for it to happen, so don't blame me." I got up and started to walk away, I needed to get of the house, I needed to get away from Gaige. I just couldn't deal with it.

He too got up, and blocked my path to the door. "You are not going anywhere, sit back down."

"You are the last person I feel like listening to right now. I never kept anything from you...and you couldn't even tell me this. I can't be anywhere near you right now."

"I don't want you turning up dead somewhere, I still care about you. So you can be mad, but you're not going anywhere." It was then that his medical beeper went off, distracting him enough that I could get past. I hadn't figure out where I was going to go, there wasn't really anywhere in Appaloosa Plains to go. I wanted again to be at the bridge ready to jump off, nothing had gotten better, somehow it had gotten worse. I didn't want to find out how much worse it could get, whenever I thought things couldn't get any worse they did.