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1/10/2012

From Farm to Fame- Chapter 27


I sat listening to the clock as it slowly ticked past each painfully awkward second. Never had I been anywhere so quiet, and something about it didn't seem right. I had expected the awkward silence between Gaige and I. I knew he was still mad, he couldn't understand why I had left or even begin to accept it. I knew the chances that he would forgive me were slim, and I didn't expect him to be willing to talk to me when he didn't really want me around. I didn't expect however, that 5 children could be so quiet for so long. It worried me. Each second the clock ticked past, was another second I spent questioning the silence...worrying about the silence... about my children.

It seemed as if nothing could be more awkward and out of place as the clocks ticking, until I spoke and my own voice broke through the silence. "So... where is everybody?"

I had been looking straight ahead the whole time, but I could tell through the corner of my eye that he had been watching me with a very concerned look on face. That look suddenly vanished as I looked back over at him, and was replaced with an anger. I couldn't understand what he would be angry about, but I braced myself for the yelling. "You mean the 5 children you left for me to look after on my own. They were taken away from me, thanks to you. I don't know where they are, I don't get to see or talk to them."

I don't know what I had been expecting, but that wasn't it.  I do know it was the most painful thing I had ever experienced. "What? No." The more I proccessed what he had said the harder I cried "No... You can't be serious. Why didn't I know about this? When did I lose the right to know where the hell my children are?"

"When you abandoned them. I've lost that right too, and I didn't even do anything. I lost that right because of what you did. That's why I can't forgive you. I lost everything because of you."

"Well I assumed that they were with you, I assumed they were safe. I know you would have taken care of them, I was counting on that. At least you haven't been lied to. Don't be mad at me either, I'm the one who should be mad right now. I had no idea that this would happen, I never would have chosen for it to happen, so don't blame me." I got up and started to walk away, I needed to get of the house, I needed to get away from Gaige. I just couldn't deal with it.

He too got up, and blocked my path to the door. "You are not going anywhere, sit back down."

"You are the last person I feel like listening to right now. I never kept anything from you...and you couldn't even tell me this. I can't be anywhere near you right now."

"I don't want you turning up dead somewhere, I still care about you. So you can be mad, but you're not going anywhere." It was then that his medical beeper went off, distracting him enough that I could get past. I hadn't figure out where I was going to go, there wasn't really anywhere in Appaloosa Plains to go. I wanted again to be at the bridge ready to jump off, nothing had gotten better, somehow it had gotten worse. I didn't want to find out how much worse it could get, whenever I thought things couldn't get any worse they did.