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3/28/2012

From Farm to Fame: Haylie- Chapter Two


I dreaded having to show dad my report card, I failed everything and I knew he'd freak out. Especially since he was already mad at me, and had already promised that he wasn't going to put up with any more, the next time he had to punish me it would be a lot worse than a grounding. I really didn't want to know what that was, being grounded sucked enough even though I laughed at the idea at first. I wasn't just grounded to the house, which wouldn't have mattered since I didn't leave anyway, I was grounded to my room with all my paint supplies and my laptop take away from me. I got to stare at the wall. I knew part of it was punishment and part of it was an attempt to force me into talking to him, he was still trying to get me to do so it just always ended the same way. I just took it as a challenge. I'd stay out after school, or sneak out at night, I wasn't going to be punished because he wouldn't respect my wishes and leave me alone or for hating Starlight Shores. I knew it wasn't right since he was only trying to help, but I was still annoyed enough that I wanted to annoy him as well.

I waited until everybody else had shown him their report cards and gone about their own business. I didn't really want them watching when he yelled at me but I was also hoping yelling at Merissa would wear him out, but even she did well enough to please him. I was doomed. It took a moment for him to say anything...or yell as the case was, he was too shocked, I'd never received a failing grade before. Ever. "I've had it! This is unacceptable, you can do better. I don't care if you hate it here, that is no excuse for your behaviour. I've tried to help you and you won't let me, this is nothing but an attitude. An attitude I'm not going to deal with. You're going to boarding school, maybe you'll listen there."

I don't really know what I had expected, but it definitely hadn't been boarding school, which really seemed to be an over reaction. I know I'd been a brat, but boarding school, really? "What?! That's not fair."

"I've been plenty fair with you. Obviously that didn't do very much."

"But boarding school? I'll fix my grades, I'll do whatever you say, just don't send me to boarding school. Please. Just give me one more chance to prove myself."

"You've had too many chances already. You can stop right now, my decision is final. You're still grounded as well. You can go to your room."

"I hate you! This is stupid."

"Good for you."

"ARG!" I stomped to my room and slammed the door behind me as hard as I could. I was tempted to just run away, nothing could be worse than boarding school, but I decided after I calmed down a bit that I would prove to him why he shouldn't send me to boarding school. Surely it would take a bit of time for them to receive and accept a registration, I could prove myself in that time. I would.

I couldn't. Though it wasn't for a lack of trying. Dad just wasn't convinced that it would last, he knew it was just a desperate attempt change his mind even though I tried to convince him I'd keep it up if he did. I did have to admit than in my attempts to prove myself I started to like Starlight Shores, it still didn't feel like home, but I didn't hate it. I'd even made a couple friends in the short time I had, perhaps I needed to be more open to the move from the start... perhaps I'd just inflicted all my misery on myself. I hated that I was just starting to figure that out as I was running out of time. I cried as walked out to the car waiting to take me away, though I tried to hold it back because I knew dad was watching. It still didn't seem fair, but I knew there was no changing it and crying was no use, it was just something I couldn't help.


3/24/2012

From Farm to Fame: Haylie- Chapter One


I hated Starlight Shores before we even left Twinbrook. It was one of those towns that people stumbled through blindly chasing dreams of fame and fortune, and risking everything they had along the way. More often than not that dream was just shattered to pieces, usually quite publicly, shattering the lives of those who had gone chasing that dream. The pieces would remain strewn across the ground, nobody ever picked up the pieces and tried to put their lives back together, they just gave up and lived the rest of their lives in the misery and humiliation of failure. I hated how it felt like we were only doing the same thing, blindly seeking something better than what we had. The fire did take everything we had other than each other, and it did leave us with a desperate need to figure something out, I just thought we jumped too fast into a decision and never put much thought into it.

I hated Starlight Shores more after we moved, and more with each day that passed. I missed Twinbrook, it was home, it would always be home. I liked Twinbrook, it offered a sense of security that Starlight Shores didn't, and I knew just what my life in Twinbrook would be. I liked that sense of security, I was the type to test the water before I jumped in, I hated not knowing how things would go. Of course Twinbrook was also where all my friends were. I would have missed them anyway, but I couldn't make a single friend in Starlight Shores and I was incredibly lonely without them. I didn't care about the high school popularity contest, I just wanted to have somebody to eat lunch with and distract me from the disgusted glares of girls who thought they were so perfect. Somebody like Bryon, my boyfriend of 6 months and best friend of 10 years, he was the person I cared about the most and I could never be unhappy with him around. I only felt lonelier as our phone calls became shorter and farther apart before eventually ceasing to exist at all.

The lonelier and more miserable I felt, the more time I spent locked away by myself, shutting my own family out of my life. It wasn't the smartest thing or most logical thing I did in my life, but I was too lost in my misery to think properly. I just spent my time painting in the little study on the upper level of the house, it was a way to distract myself from real life. Painting occupied my mind, and the endless view of the ocean was calming and peaceful re-enforcing the fact that I was alone when I needed it to.

Naturally it wasn't long before Dad pulled me aside, it was slightly surprising how long it took but I guess he just wanted to give me a chance to adjust and work it out on my own. "Okay Haylie, you need to tell me what's going on. This isn't like you, I don't like seeing you like this."

Though deep down I appreciated his concern, I was still more annoyed than anything else. I wanted to be left alone in my misery but he had to bother me. "Now you care, really? Nobody cared when I said I didn't want to move out here, I hate it here. That's what's wrong. I want to go home."

"Well this is home now, like it or not, and it's not  that I don't care. We just didn't have many options, there aren't many places for a family of 6 to go... this is one of the place we could go. I know a move like this hard, you just have to give it a chance. You're a smart, responsible, and beautiful young lady...you'll be just fine as long as you try. Just don't give up so easily... I watched your mother fall apart, I don't want the same thing to happen to you. I want to help you before you start doing stupid things like she did, so if I can help in anyway just let me know."

"You can leave me alone."

"I know you're unhappy but you better stop with the attitude, I'm only trying to help... and I'm not going to give up."

"Whatever." I just rolled my eyes and walked away, I didn't want his help. I didn't want anybodies. I heard him sigh in defeat and unsure of what to do next, but I also knew I'd get in trouble for it later... I didn't really care.

3/06/2012

From Farm to Fame: Haylie- Intro


I enjoyed the mornings where we would all sit around the table and eat breakfast together sharing our plans for the day and  stories of the day before, it was similar to the way most families sat around the table and ate dinner together sharing their stories from the day and plans for the next. I knew some people found it strange, they were used to mornings being when everybody was groggy and grumpy and nobody wanted to talk to each other, and their days ran from 9 to 5, to them that was what was normal and people are not known to accept anything different from the views of normal. The truth was, the busy always on the go lifestyle was becoming increasingly common, it just meant that most families in the same situation didn't bother to find any time at all to spend together. I couldn't imagine not spending that time with my family, letting them fall further out of my life with each day I ignored them... they meant far too much for that.

Ian, my twin brother, and I were especially close. He was the only one with the same biological father as me, not that he was somebody either of us cared to know. He had been the one that killed our mother, after his years of torturing her, and drugging her to get his way with her... which was the only reason we were ever born. It was just a connection we shared with each other, that we didn't share with anybody else, and our feelings about it only something we could share with each other because nobody else could understand. While his resemblance to our biological father caused everybody outside of the house to fear him, I knew what he was really like, and I'd be surprised if he could even hurt a fly. He wanted to become a police officer to help keep the streets safe from creeps like our biological father, with his dedication to his studies and athletic training there was no doubt that he could he handle it.

Nate, who was the oldest of my half siblings, was very shy and quiet preferring to keep to himself most of the time. I remembered his incredibly imaginative mind from reading him to sleep when he was a child, it usually just gave him more energy as he tried to help me read and ended up going into his own story acting out the roles of various characters. He would always have that incredible imagination, he just toned it back in his teens. As a result of his incredible imagination he also had a great sense of humor, whenever somebody was upset about something he was the one to cheer them up and make them laugh. He was a fun person to be around, when he felt like being around people, and would probably have a lot more friends if he wasn't too afraid to.

Elizabeth was outgoing and friendly, her personality was infectious and she had way too many friends to count. If she wasn't at a friends house, she had a friend or a few friends at our house. She never missed a party, or the chance to throw a party. She was also had an incredible talent for the piano, the music she played was music that came from the heart and the emotion she put into it made it so powerful and beautiful. We loved to gather around the fireplace and listen to her play, as individuals or as a family, it made for a nice relaxing atmosphere.

Merissa was the total opposite of her twin sister Elizabeth. She preferred video games and television to hanging out with friends, all her friends were people she talked to online and had never met in real life. She seemed to have no desire to apply any efforts to real life, and her and dad were aways fighting about her grades. She was the one in the family that got forgotten a lot, it wasn't that we wanted to or that we loved her any less, it was just easy to forget her when she spent so much time off to the side in her own little world.

Dad, actually my step-dad, I just called him dad because he was the only one who ever acted like a father, and being passed between foster families for 3 years I had seen a lot of sad attempts to fill that fatherly role. I was extremely grateful to him for taking me in and raising me like his own, giving me a chance to have a real father especially since I didn't get to have a mother. I often wondered if he was lonely without mom, he never seemed to move on, it was sad and sweet at the same time. It was sad to think of him with anyone but mom, I'd seen the pictures of them together and they looked so happy, but he was also such a sweet guy you couldn't help wanting him to be happy. He seemed happy enough, but I always wondered how he really felt about it. I wondered if all the time he spent at the hospital was about more than wanting to help out, but about trying to distract himself from the loneliness.

Of course, I was the busiest one in the family, so as I ramble on about how much I love them and squeezing in that precious time with them whenever possible, I realize how stupid it sounds for me to be the one never around. I was in the art and newspaper clubs, worked at the graveyard in the evenings, and had a boyfriend I had to find time for. When I was home I was working on homework (all my courses were advanced placement, and the homework was intense), writing my novel, or painting. Everybody, especially dad, tried to convince me to cut back before I wore myself out, but it was too boring to sit around letting my mind rot away.

That had all been before the fire anyway, nothing seemed to be the same after the fire, it had stolen life as I knew it.