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5/21/2012

From Farm to Fame: Haylie- Chapter Six


I was exhausted by the time I got home, but couldn't sleep. Too much was on my mind, too many questions, and I was too scared. I still doubted that her intentions were any good, and I didn't know what she was or what she was capable of. Eventually I resigned myself to the fact that I wasn't going to sleep, and called out to her. I had no desire to talk to her, but I wanted answers so maybe I could find some piece of mind. If I could find out what she was, I could find out how to protect myself and my babies from her. "Mom? Are you here?" She appeared as fast as she had disappeared earlier that night, and I immediately regretted what I was doing, her speed was too much and I wouldn't be able to protect them if she went after them. "Could you not do that? It's creepy. How do you do that anyway? What are you?"

She hesitated for a moment before answering, and looked slightly disgusted when she did. "A vampire."

"Like, you drink blood and stuff?" I wondered if she intended to make my babies a snack, and who would be the meal.

"That's the idea." She still seemed slightly repulsed, but also resigned to the fact that it was normal. I'd never be able to accept drinking blood as something normal, I was certain that anything human and decent in her was gone. If it had even been there in the first place.

I took a step back in fear, not that it would matter with her speed. "Okay, gross."

"There are ways to survive without it, fruits you can eat... I survive by those. It just means I'm weak compared to those who do choose to survive off of blood." I wanted to believe that she was telling the truth, she did seem sincere, but I couldn't. Not with what she had been lying about for the last 15 years, and it still didn't excuse that.

"So is this why you've been hiding from us, because of what you are? Because I wouldn't have cared, I just wanted to have a mother. I don't care what you are, I care how you act... and you don't act like somebody cares and is worth knowing."

"I was never worth knowing, not to you. There's nothing you could have lost not knowing me... I was hardly a part of your lives. I'm sure you never even remembered me, you were too young. I'm even less worthwhile as a vampire. I could never have given you the normal life you deserve and need. I can't hide what I am now, we'd be spending our live running from people that would want me dead. The moments my vampire instincts take over are not moments children should ever be forced to see, and not the way I want you to see me. Your father has seen me at my worst, and it's not this... he can handle seeing me as this.... it's easier than to lose me. You know no worse, or no better... this is best for you."

Those were the excuses I didn't want to hear, I didn't believe that there was any excuse for what she had done. She'd probably spent a lot time rehearsing over the past 15 years, that was probably why she sounded so sincere. It wasn't actually sincerity it was just practice."You know if you put half as much effort into being a mother, as you did into your excuses you might have been worth knowing. You're right though, you never were worth knowing... at least you got something right in all that crap. Just don't act like you had any sort of good intentions, vampire or not you're a bitch. I don't trust you, I don't believe you. And if you ever go near my babies again, I swear I will drive a stake through your heart myself... or do whatever it is I need to do. I won't let them get hurt by whatever it is that you're after."

I saw an upset expression flash across her face before she vanished again. I found it funny that she would be upset, when it was all her own doing. She was the liar, but she was upset. I almost wondered how dad ever put up with her, but remembered he was part of it too.

I decided to not even try going back to sleep, I was too scared to. I didn't stop watching over Ericka and Maya or trying to figure out what to do if I needed react to protect them, until I heard everybody else waking up and moving around. She wouldn't get away with doing anything to them with everybody else around, they would be safe. I didn't sleep then either, but decided to research vampires on the computer. It was obvious I wouldn't get any answers out of her, even if she was my best source, and it would probably be the same way with dad. He would defend her. I still needed to know how to protect my babies from her. There were many stories about vampires, sorting fact from fiction wouldn't be easy. Were they confinded to the darkness and killed by a stake through the heart, unable to enter a home without invitation? Did the sunlight kill them or did they just sparkle in it? Could they have a ring crafted and bound with a spell to repel the effects of the sun? Were they a mix of all? Or none?

I was getting nowhere but frustrated when I heard dad behind me and jumped. "What are you trying to find out?"

He acted so casual, so normal, that it annoyed me. How could he act as if everything was normal? "Do you have to do that? Between you and her, I'm bound to have a heart attack before long. What do you care anyway?"

"I just thought I might be able to help you, the internet won't."

"I think the internet will give me more honest answers then you will, even if it's just sheer dumb luck. I don't need to waste my time."

"Well, if you want to be that way... nobody ever lied to you. Your mother did die, she is dead in every sense of the medical world. It's just that nobody every told you the whole story."

"That's just as bad, and how can she act so alive if she's dead? Your excuses are even worse then hers, you didn't even try did you?"

"I wish I could figure out how any of it is possible, it goes against everything I've ever known...but I'm not lying to you. You know I've spent a lot of time trying to figure it out, and wondering if anybody else could have come back as a vampire too. I'd really love to see some people again... or at all, but like you I'd be angry as well. I understand how you feel."

"Then why? Why would you keep this from me? If you understand, why would you let it be this way?"

"Because I understand trying to be a parent too, which you'll understand  now. I'm not saying that her choice was right, but she was thinking with heart, she was thinking of how she would protect you. It's hard to make choices as a parent, some times you make the wrong one. Your mother never was good at making the right choices, but she did what she thought she had to, she never meant to hurt anyone... it's just what went along with a lot of her decisions. You know, she's still there for every milestone in your lives... you don't see her but she's there and you don't see how much it hurts her that you don't know she's there. Anybody who ever tries to hurt any of you, gets to deal with her, it may be better that they don't know who they have to watch out for. You mean everything to her, and it may not have been the right choice but she meant well."

"Is that the lie that she gives you? She doesn't mean well, she's a bitch, if you think she means well you're an idiot."

He looked shocked, like he couldn't believe I'd said it and he didn't know how to respond. Whether he should be mad, or just let it go. "I don't know what else to do. I hope you'll come around after it sinks in and you calm down." I snorted, like that was going to happen. He ignored that too. "Just think about it for a bit before you decide anything. I know you might move in with Bryon, just don't jump into it because your angry. Your mother made those rush decisions... you know how that's worked out."

"Whatever. Does this mean we can be done with this dumb conversation? This is really way more than I cared to talk about this. I really don't care at all. I wasn't looking for the sappy excuses, I just wanted to know what freakish monster I was dealing with. I already know my decision, deep down I have the whole time but it was obvious when I got back to the house." I'd wanted to throw up on the doorstep from the dread of going inside, there was no way I was going to stay, I was taking Bryon up on his offer. I'd already texted him and set up plans. "Bryon's helping me move my stuff over tomorrow."

There would be a time when I would regret my decision, regret that being the reason I stopped talking to dad when it wasn't really his fault, but that wasn't the time. I was mad, and I didn't care. I didn't care about the excuses, I didn't care about dad or mom, I just wanted to be angry.