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6/21/2012

From Farm to Fame: Haylie- Chapter Seven

It's just a tree branch. I repeated the thought to myself with each step I took towards the window, no matter how many times I said it I couldn't believe it. I hated living in fear. It's not my vampire mother. She is not after blood. 


There was nobody outside, and the night seemed perfectly calm aside from a slight breeze. A small branch was indeed tapping the window, just light enough to be caught in the breeze. See, a tree branch. Nothing to worry about. Unless... no... nothing to worry about. I turned back around, still feeling somewhat uneasy. I was not alone as I had expected to be, but it was what I had feared.


I screamed and thrust my arms out, shoving them back. They stumbled and fell back into the wall. I didn't realize who it was until they cursed in pain under their breath, then I felt like an idiot. It was Bryon, and I was living in his house so it shouldn't have surprised me that he was there. "Oh my god! I am so sorry. Are you okay?" I offered out my hand to help him up, which he hesitated to take looking confused. 


"Yeah, I'm fine... you are abnormally strong though. Remind me not to piss you off. What was that about anyway?"


I shook my head."I thought somebody was outside, it was just a tree branch." I sounded even stupider saying it out loud, of course I left out the part that I thought it was my vampire mother. I'd avoided telling him that I'd found out what she was. He'd laugh at me, I knew it. I knew he thought I was crazy when I told him about the ghosts at the Twinbrook graveyard and how I spoke to them, or how I spoke to mom's grave like she could hear me. What a waste that was. He didn't believe in any sort of life after death, he thought you just ceased to exist at all. To me that sounded crazy, even before I'd  seen a ghost, or vampire. It didn't make sense for something to just stop existing.


"What has you so upset? I mean, I know everything you told me the other day, and I understand how much you're hurting already. I can tell there's something else though. Something's happened since. There's more to this argument with your dad. Something has you scared, this is fear not hurt."

"It's nothing really. It just caught me by surprise. My thoughts were too focused elsewhere."

"I've known you for a very long time, I know you very well. I know it's been a couple years, but I don't think you've changed that much. I can tell when something's wrong. Just tell me please. I want to help you, I see how you are and I know where you're headed. I can't let that happen to you. I... uh... you're my friend. You were a friend when I needed one because I had nothing else, I owe you." I knew he was referring to his mother who's mind had wasted away to nothing after all the years in fear and misery created by his fathers abuse, at some point the switch had flicked off and turned the lights out on her emotions. I knew how much he hated seeing her like that, and I could understand how it would be hard to watch somebody go through that, but I kind of wished I knew how to flick that switch off. I'd feel no joy, but I didn't know if I'd ever feel joy again, and I wouldn't feel pain and misery. That was what I wanted, an end to the pain and misery, it was what I needed.

"You don't owe me anything. I was your friend, I tried to support you because that's what friends do, not because I was expecting you to repay me when all this crap happened. How could I have even known all this would happen?"

He sighed, and I could tell he was getting frustrated. "Come with me."

"Where?"


"Just come, please?" He took my hand and tried to pull me along with him, very gently so that I could pull free if I wanted to. I did pull my hand free, his touch was too intimidating, but followed him anyway. 

I followed him outside, where I could feel knots growing in my stomach. The house, and my babies, would be vulnerable to my vampire mother. I did have the baby monitor with me, and could hear their delicate little snores to know they were still safe, but I was too far away to stop her if she went after them. Like I could stop her anyway, she's too fast and probably just as strong as she is fast. 


He sat under the gazebo and I hesitated to join him,  I really wanted to turn back around and go inside. He tapped the seat beside him. "Sit."

I rolled my eyes and sat down. I had to admit I felt better almost as soon as I did so. The view was spectacular, the ridge blocking out the rest of the town below leaving nothing visible but the vast ocean and sky. It was like the little room I painted in at home because it was peaceful and calming and I could get lost for hours letting my mind travel away to a happier place. It was like the nights I spent star gazing with Chase, snuggled up against him just enjoying his company and the feeling of being completely alone in the world, just the two of us. Bryon sat silent beside me, he was waiting for me to say something first hoping that as the calmness took over I'd let my troubles slip out, I knew that was his plan. I just let my memories linger on the nights with Chase, and didn't notice when I leaned over to rest my head on Bryon's shoulder, too caught up in the illusion of having Chase there, until I felt his hand move across my back and rest on my shoulder.

"No.... Chase..." I pushed Bryon back and stood up. I had to get inside. I had to get space from Bryon. I could feel the urge to cry and knew I wouldn't be able to hold it back any longer. That was the moment his death fully hit me. I'd cried before over his death, and I thought about how empty my life would be without him but I hadn't thought about how I would handle it. I hadn't thought about dealing with the loneliness and the feelings I would have towards others to take away that loneliness. I hadn't thought about handling it when others tried to show their feelings towards me. I hadn't thought about the little everyday moments he would miss, like sitting under the stars, only the big moments like the birth of our babies or our wedding that couldn't even exist without him.

I don't remember making into the house, or how I ended up tucked in nice and snug in my bed. I remember waking up to a soggy pillow, I assumed from crying. I felt horrible, my head hurt and I felt like I was going to be sick to my stomach, I also wanted to cry some more... or a lot. I knew I had to check on my babies though, I couldn't stop being a parent just because I was upset. They still needed me. I knew Bryon would help too, but it wasn't his responsibility to look after my children. He was already there playing with Maya, he put her down and turned to face me as I stood up. I knew by the serious and grim look on his face he was about to say something I didn't want to hear.

Oh god, who died?