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7/23/2012

From Farm to Fame: Haylie- Chapter Nine

I rambled on in a drunken rant about whatever happened to be on my mind, the whole car ride, not paying attention or caring to pay attention to where we were actually going. I certainly wouldn't have any secrets left, not that I had kept many from Bryon anyway. I didn't notice we weren't going home, but rather the completely opposite direction, until I stopped talking long enough to pay attention because I had run out of things to say. "Where are we going? This isn't how we get home."

"I just want to make an extra stop along the way."

"This isn't along the way. I know I'm drunk, but I'm not stupid. Home is that way." I pointed back behind us. "This, is a totally different direction."

"Okay, then it's a detour. You're fussy when you're drunk."

"I'm not being fussy, I just want to know where the hell you're taking me and you're not being at all helpful."

"It'll just be a couple minutes, and we'll be there."

"Why can't you just tell me?"

"It's a surprise."

"What the hell kind of surprise could you possibly be taking me to at midnight? Take me home!"

"Your brother put crazy ideas in your head didn't he?"

"Well, I thought they were crazy ideas, now I'm not so sure. Take me home."

"No."

"Then pull over. I'll call Ian to get me, or I'll walk. Just let me out of this car."

"Would you settle down? We're there anyway."

I looked around out the windows, in 3 directions there seemed to be nothing at all, and in the last direction was the graveyard. We were all alone, aside from the people buried under the dirt."The graveyard... Seriously. You're just getting creepier."

He remained totally calm, while my panic just grew."You need to say your good-byes, so you can move on. You're holding back your feelings. You need to just let them out. You seem to be really good at letting things out right now too."

"You know you suck at surprises, right? Please just take me home now. I still don't want to be here."

He'd walked around to the passenger side of the car, and dragged me out of it."I didn't say it was a good surprise. You need to be here, want to or not. I know you don't want to be here, it's not something anybody wants to do. I'm trying to figure out how to help you, I think this will help at least a bit."

"I'm not ready to say good-bye yet. Please take me home."

He started yelling, probably in frustration. "It's been a year since that stupid Chase guy died, longer since Merissa died. It's time Haylie, it was time a long time ago."

"Don't yell at me!"

He was calm again when he spoke. "I'm sorry, but it's true. It's time. Now come on. I'll be right beside if that's what you want, or I can stay right here, but nobody's leaving until you give at least make an effort."

"No, no. Please.... don't.... just take me home." I couldn't help the tears of fear that had been building the whole ride, suddenly from the fear of what I didn't want to face in the graveyard rather than the fear of what Bryon was up to.

Bryon just pulled me back up again and pulled me into a hug. "Why are you scared? I know it's hard, but you need to do this. You need to let go. It's only a part of life."

"I don't want to let go, I do want to lose my memories too. I don't want to just forget the people I cared about."

"You won't. You'll always have memories, you'll never forget them. You have children with Chase, you'll still remember him all the time because of them. You'll remember your sister and growing up with her. You'll remember your dad, fights and all how much he looked out for you and how much you respected him for that." He grabbed my hand and pulled me through the gate. "Come on, It'll be okay."

I pulled my hand free, though he had it it so gently that it didn't take much, but I didn't turn around to go back. I wanted to, but I knew he was right. "I don't know what to do."

"Just say whatever's on your mind, don't hold anything back. Don't be afraid to look like a fool or anything. Just let it all out." I reached out to grab his hand again and dragged him along with me. It made me feel safer and stronger to be able to feel him close to me, and know that he wasn't more than an arm length away.

I stop first at Chases grave, where I felt the urge to just turn around again. I wasn't supposed to say good-bye to him, we were supposed to get married and have a life together. It didn't seem right to say good-bye before we could even make it down the aisle, or before he could see his children. "I can't do this. I can't..."

"You made it this far, don't give up now."

I nodded, I didn't really plan on doing anything. Just faking it. I wasn't ready to say good-bye. There was never supposed to be good-bye. There was supposed to be a wedding and future together as husband and wife. Not a funeral and a future of loneliness."I think It'll be easier if you aren't standing right beside me. Ex-boyfriend, and dead fiancĂ©... seems really awkward."

I heard his footsteps trail off behind me, so I was startled when somebody else spoke. I should have know better, it was mom, of course she would be there. Just to bother me. "You know you it's not a good idea to fake it right? That boy is right, you need to move past all of this, not cling to the things you can't change. Of course... If you can change it... then you really don't have to worry about it."

"Oh my god mom, don't make anybody else a vampire."

"That's not what I meant. Here." She held out a box. "This may help. I've tried many times, and nothing happens for me, but perhaps it will work better for you. You are more deserving, you are a good girl, who's just very lost right now. I know you'll make good use of this if it will let you." hesitated to take it, not trusting her, but the curiosity was too tempting. If there was anyway to change all that had happened, I wanted to know what it was. "Good luck sweetie." She winked and vanished. I still hated her doing that.


I looked over where Bryon was standing looking very confused. I should probably have gone to explain to him, but I really didn't know how. I tried to smile and give him a thumbs-up to reassure him it was okay. He didn't seem too convinced, of course how could I reassure him when I couldn't reassure myself. I closed my eye's an turned my head as I opened the box. Nothing happened. I looked inside. It was a lamp, like the one a genie would live in on television. Well, vampires existed, why not genies? I still tried not to get too excited as I rubbed it, and jumped when something really did come out of it.


She looked and sounded very bored, but I would be too trapped inside a lamp. "You have 3 wishes. What is your first?"

I thought about it for several minutes, remembering the moral to be careful what you wish for. I didn't want to waste wishes either. It was probably too much to expect one wish to bring everybody back, but it was worth a try. "I wish that I could bring back to life, everybody I know and love that has died."

She looked angry, obviously I wasn't getting that wish. "Do not be greedy. I will let this one slide, next time you lose a wish. Now try again, and be quick."

Well, at least I still had enough wishes to bring everybody back, it would just be hard to choose who was most deserving of the chance to come back first. I wanted to think about it, but I could see his impatience growing, and blurted out the name that was on my mind already. "Okay, Chase! I wish for Chase to be alive again."

"Granted." I watched in disbelief as she waved her arms in a flashy light show and Chase appeared in front of me. "Now, I must rest before I can grant another." She vanished in a cloud of smoke, back to her lamp.

I really didn't care, I was too excited to have Chase standing in front of me. "Oh my god, Chase!" I threw myself around him, clinging as tight as I could. "Don't ever do that again."

"Trust me, it was never in my plans to leave you, and I'm never doing so again."

"You better not."

We eventually made our way home, to wait out the time for the next wish. It was a long ride trying to explain to Bryon what was going on, and he didn't seem too happy with Chase there. I knew it wouldn't be fair to stay with him any longer, so in the morning I went back to stay with my siblings. Not that they were any happier to see Chase, but they were delighted with the news that they'd get people they loved back too, and surprisingly unsurprised about how. Though it did lead into an argument over who would get to come back. I'd forgotten that to them 3 people were still dead, and there were only 2 wishes left. I didn't know how to, or want to, explain to them about mom or anything... and left them with the lamp for the genie to tell them no.

It was decided to bring Merissa back for Elizabeth's benefit, as she had struggled the most with that and everything since.

Dad was the other, since he was the one everybody missed most. Everybody had plenty of time to move past mom's death, if they even remembered her at all. That wish was also not granted, he had accepted his fate and we couldn't undo his wishes for ours. I felt bad that they couldn't get somebody else back too, but everybody seemed happy enough with what they did have, just happy to have something.

7/07/2012

From Farm to Fame: Haylie- Chapter Eight

I listened as Bryon told me all the details I didn't want to hear, waiting for him to get to the point, which was who they were actually about. I didn't care about the how, I just wanted to know who, but I knew he was trying to avoid it for as long as possible. I could tell by the way he looked at me that he though I was too much of a mess already, but it was never fun to be the bearer of bad news anyway. I tried to ignore the details about how, I didn't want their image burned in my mind for the rest of my life. I already had to deal with the memory of Chase's dead burned body lying in front of me, and I didn't like it all, I didn't need the image of more loved ones dying to go with it. It was hard to ignore it though when I was trying to listen for any indication that he was going to tell me who. I caught something about a car accident, a truck sped around the corner into the wrong lane and it was too late to do anything. I didn't even know why he felt the need to share any more than that with me, it just seemed like a bad idea. I knew when he had nothing left to say but who it was all about, because he paused, for a really long time.

It was dad.

Bryon watched me like I was a ticking bomb about to explode. I didn't even know how to feel. I wondered if he was really dead, or if he had become a vampire like mom. Would she turn him to save him? Could she even do so? I wished I could understand how that all worked, it would almost be easier if I knew enough to know for sure that he was dead. I couldn't imagine him as a vampire really, he was such a nice a guy who did so many great things, I couldn't imagine him as any sort of monster. He had devoted his whole life to helping and healing people, and keep their blood in their bodies, why would he devote his after life to hurting them and sucking all their blood out of their bodies.

I couldn't imagine him leaving behind his family like that either. His family was far too important to him, and he worked so hard to give us the life that he wanted but never had growing up. All of us. It hadn't always worked, like our mother dying on us, or turning into a vampire. Still he tried, and that was all we could ever ask for. He wouldn't throw that all away, he couldn't, and the more I thought about it the more I thought that either way the world had lost a very special person. Either way he had died somehow.

Then I was hit with the realization that I'd never get to take back what I said to him. I had called him an idiot, but really I was the idiot. He did care about us, and I couldn't hold my mother's actions against him. He was the one who raised me like I was his own, even though it would have been so easy for him to just leave me in foster care and nobody would have cared, everybody would have understood. I remembered asking him one day, why he hadn't done that. He told me that he just never saw the difference, he'd been there with mom right from the moment she found out she was pregnant with Ian and I, and he'd just let himself believe that we would be his because it was too hard to think otherwise. So he just tried not to think about it, because we were always meant to be his anyway. I absolutely hated myself for leaving it to end how it did between us, and for never being able to say sorry or thank-you, because he deserved something far better than being called an idiot for all he did for me and for loving me anyway.

I knew too, that no matter how bad I felt, Nate and Elizabeth would feel even worse. We didn't like to think of the difference either, Ian and I, and that he wasn't our biological father, but it was an unavoidable fact that he wasn't. We still had another father, one not worth knowing at all, but we did. Nate and Elizabeth didn't. Elizabeth would take it even harder than Nate, as it was her birthday, and we all had plans to celebrate together. Dad wouldn't be there for those plans, and I had dreaded having to be there with him but had never wanted him to not be there because he was dead. Elizabeth had need all our support even before, which was why I had even tried to get out of it even though I wanted to, she was already struggling with the fact that she wouldn't have Merissa by her side like it was supposed to be. Suddenly she had to deal with not having dad there either. Her high school graduation was only a few days away as well, and she wouldn't have either of them there for that. It was only going to double the feeling. I knew that I needed to go over and make sure she was okay.

Bryon insisted upon going with me, he still watched me like I was about to explode. It was mildly annoying, but I knew it was good idea. I knew it would be better for him to drive since he was more emotionally stable. It would be nice to know I had a shoulder to cry on if I needed it too, one that was stronger and more distanced from the situation than everybody else's.


The house seemed too empty when I got there, it wasn't right without dad there, and it was so horribly gloomy and depressing too. There was no way to hide from the feeling there, had I been happy walking in it would have sucked all the happiness out of me within seconds, feeling as I did it just made the feeling so much worse that I just wanted to escape. I felt trapped in the misery, and I wanted out of it. I was tired of it. I couldn't leave though. Though nobody spoke or anything, everybody sat in silence unless they were crying, and if one person cried it usually made everybody else cry as well. So I was glad when Elizabeth broke the silence and crying, and suggested we go out to the club and try to celebrate a bit for her birthday. Though it concerned me that she already seemed slightly intoxicated, and I had a feeling she wasn't drinking to celebrate but to drown her feelings. I didn't like that idea, because it would just mean needed to drink more and more because alcohol could only ever mask or distract from the feeling, it would never get rid of it.


Ian, Nate, and Bryon all went to play pool when we got to the club. Ian and Nate didn't drink, it wasn't the way we were brought up. Dad never had alcohol around, he hated it from seeing so many victims of it effects. It was totally surprising that Elizabeth had decided to try it, she was a party animal, but it was surprising that she was using it the way she was. Bryon didn't drink either, because of the way his father was when he was drunk, which was all the time. I didn't drink, but I sat at the bar with Elizabeth anyway. I wanted to be there if she needed to talk, but I wanted to keep an eye her as well. I didn't drink until then anyway, but watching as Elizabeth drank I found it hard to resist the temptation and curiosity. So I tried it too, and we just went drink for drink with each other, until I started to get drunk myself.


It wasn't long after that, that Bryon came stomping over and ripped my drink out of my hand. "We're going home. Now."

I slurred my words, and pointed a shaky finger at Elizabeth "What about her?"

"Your brothers can take care of her, you obviously aren't doing so anyway."

"Fine, Can I go to the bathroom first?"

He just shook his head, but helped me out of the chair anyway, and walked me to the bathroom.

It was Ian waiting instead of Bryon when I came out. "I think you should come with us. We're leaving now too."

"I have to go with him, I have babies to look after."

"We can go get them, though I don't think you'd be the one looking after them anyway."

"Why can't I go with Bryon anyway?"

"I just don't want him to take advantage of you. You don't need that to worry about later on as well."

"He wouldn't do that."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that. He's definitely very obsessed with you, and I'm sure he'd take any opportunity he got. He might not do it with the intent to hurt you, but he'd do it."

"He won't. I trust him." I walked away to go find Bryon, and left Ian shaking his head at me too. I wasn't thinking logically enough to think that he might be right.