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7/07/2012

From Farm to Fame: Haylie- Chapter Eight

I listened as Bryon told me all the details I didn't want to hear, waiting for him to get to the point, which was who they were actually about. I didn't care about the how, I just wanted to know who, but I knew he was trying to avoid it for as long as possible. I could tell by the way he looked at me that he though I was too much of a mess already, but it was never fun to be the bearer of bad news anyway. I tried to ignore the details about how, I didn't want their image burned in my mind for the rest of my life. I already had to deal with the memory of Chase's dead burned body lying in front of me, and I didn't like it all, I didn't need the image of more loved ones dying to go with it. It was hard to ignore it though when I was trying to listen for any indication that he was going to tell me who. I caught something about a car accident, a truck sped around the corner into the wrong lane and it was too late to do anything. I didn't even know why he felt the need to share any more than that with me, it just seemed like a bad idea. I knew when he had nothing left to say but who it was all about, because he paused, for a really long time.

It was dad.

Bryon watched me like I was a ticking bomb about to explode. I didn't even know how to feel. I wondered if he was really dead, or if he had become a vampire like mom. Would she turn him to save him? Could she even do so? I wished I could understand how that all worked, it would almost be easier if I knew enough to know for sure that he was dead. I couldn't imagine him as a vampire really, he was such a nice a guy who did so many great things, I couldn't imagine him as any sort of monster. He had devoted his whole life to helping and healing people, and keep their blood in their bodies, why would he devote his after life to hurting them and sucking all their blood out of their bodies.

I couldn't imagine him leaving behind his family like that either. His family was far too important to him, and he worked so hard to give us the life that he wanted but never had growing up. All of us. It hadn't always worked, like our mother dying on us, or turning into a vampire. Still he tried, and that was all we could ever ask for. He wouldn't throw that all away, he couldn't, and the more I thought about it the more I thought that either way the world had lost a very special person. Either way he had died somehow.

Then I was hit with the realization that I'd never get to take back what I said to him. I had called him an idiot, but really I was the idiot. He did care about us, and I couldn't hold my mother's actions against him. He was the one who raised me like I was his own, even though it would have been so easy for him to just leave me in foster care and nobody would have cared, everybody would have understood. I remembered asking him one day, why he hadn't done that. He told me that he just never saw the difference, he'd been there with mom right from the moment she found out she was pregnant with Ian and I, and he'd just let himself believe that we would be his because it was too hard to think otherwise. So he just tried not to think about it, because we were always meant to be his anyway. I absolutely hated myself for leaving it to end how it did between us, and for never being able to say sorry or thank-you, because he deserved something far better than being called an idiot for all he did for me and for loving me anyway.

I knew too, that no matter how bad I felt, Nate and Elizabeth would feel even worse. We didn't like to think of the difference either, Ian and I, and that he wasn't our biological father, but it was an unavoidable fact that he wasn't. We still had another father, one not worth knowing at all, but we did. Nate and Elizabeth didn't. Elizabeth would take it even harder than Nate, as it was her birthday, and we all had plans to celebrate together. Dad wouldn't be there for those plans, and I had dreaded having to be there with him but had never wanted him to not be there because he was dead. Elizabeth had need all our support even before, which was why I had even tried to get out of it even though I wanted to, she was already struggling with the fact that she wouldn't have Merissa by her side like it was supposed to be. Suddenly she had to deal with not having dad there either. Her high school graduation was only a few days away as well, and she wouldn't have either of them there for that. It was only going to double the feeling. I knew that I needed to go over and make sure she was okay.

Bryon insisted upon going with me, he still watched me like I was about to explode. It was mildly annoying, but I knew it was good idea. I knew it would be better for him to drive since he was more emotionally stable. It would be nice to know I had a shoulder to cry on if I needed it too, one that was stronger and more distanced from the situation than everybody else's.


The house seemed too empty when I got there, it wasn't right without dad there, and it was so horribly gloomy and depressing too. There was no way to hide from the feeling there, had I been happy walking in it would have sucked all the happiness out of me within seconds, feeling as I did it just made the feeling so much worse that I just wanted to escape. I felt trapped in the misery, and I wanted out of it. I was tired of it. I couldn't leave though. Though nobody spoke or anything, everybody sat in silence unless they were crying, and if one person cried it usually made everybody else cry as well. So I was glad when Elizabeth broke the silence and crying, and suggested we go out to the club and try to celebrate a bit for her birthday. Though it concerned me that she already seemed slightly intoxicated, and I had a feeling she wasn't drinking to celebrate but to drown her feelings. I didn't like that idea, because it would just mean needed to drink more and more because alcohol could only ever mask or distract from the feeling, it would never get rid of it.


Ian, Nate, and Bryon all went to play pool when we got to the club. Ian and Nate didn't drink, it wasn't the way we were brought up. Dad never had alcohol around, he hated it from seeing so many victims of it effects. It was totally surprising that Elizabeth had decided to try it, she was a party animal, but it was surprising that she was using it the way she was. Bryon didn't drink either, because of the way his father was when he was drunk, which was all the time. I didn't drink, but I sat at the bar with Elizabeth anyway. I wanted to be there if she needed to talk, but I wanted to keep an eye her as well. I didn't drink until then anyway, but watching as Elizabeth drank I found it hard to resist the temptation and curiosity. So I tried it too, and we just went drink for drink with each other, until I started to get drunk myself.


It wasn't long after that, that Bryon came stomping over and ripped my drink out of my hand. "We're going home. Now."

I slurred my words, and pointed a shaky finger at Elizabeth "What about her?"

"Your brothers can take care of her, you obviously aren't doing so anyway."

"Fine, Can I go to the bathroom first?"

He just shook his head, but helped me out of the chair anyway, and walked me to the bathroom.

It was Ian waiting instead of Bryon when I came out. "I think you should come with us. We're leaving now too."

"I have to go with him, I have babies to look after."

"We can go get them, though I don't think you'd be the one looking after them anyway."

"Why can't I go with Bryon anyway?"

"I just don't want him to take advantage of you. You don't need that to worry about later on as well."

"He wouldn't do that."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that. He's definitely very obsessed with you, and I'm sure he'd take any opportunity he got. He might not do it with the intent to hurt you, but he'd do it."

"He won't. I trust him." I walked away to go find Bryon, and left Ian shaking his head at me too. I wasn't thinking logically enough to think that he might be right.