Pages

1/12/2012

From Farm to Fame- Chapter 28


By the time I reached the edge of the walkway from the house, the shack and anger had begun to wear off and the guilt set in. It was my fault, and I wanted nothing more than to turn around and apologize, but I knew my apology would mean nothing. Sometimes sorry doesn't cut it, and it was one of those time, how could it not be? I had cost Gaige his children, there was no denying how much he loved them and how important they were to him. Even Haylie and Ian... he treated them just like his own. Ian and Nate were his boys, the ones he would teach to play catch and do all those father son things... the things he never got to do with his father. He treated Haylie just like daddies little girl, sweet and innocent and in need of daddies protection, it would have been the same with the youngest twins too. He gave them what he never got to have growing up, and it was his first chance to experience those things too just in a slightly different way, it was his first chance to experience being part of a normal family... or at least somewhat normal.

I kept going until I got to the beach. I could walk towards the river and let the water wash away my problems once and for all, but there were too many people around, many of them already watching me. It would be very hard to hide what I was up to. My attempt failed on the bridge where I could have just plummeted off before anybody could react, of course I might have succeeded if I hadn't wasted my time figuring out what exactly I would do, had I just jumped without thinking Roxanne never would have been able to stop me. I stood staring across the river trying to ignore the looks everybody was giving me while I tried to figure out what to do next.


A voice came from behind me after a few minutes, it was Gaige, I could tell he had gone back to being concerned... I just couldn't understand why he would be. "You know you are my biggest emergency right now. The hospital always beeps me first, but somebody else will go in. This is between us, nobody else can fill in."

"Why are you even bothering with me? I've been so horrible to you, you deserve so much better... you're an amazing person. It is my fault, you're right and I shouldn't have been mad at you. I'm so sorry, I can't even begin to describe how sorry I am... and I know that doesn't mean anything to you but I do mean it."

"There's the Rachelle I fell in love with. Actually dealing with things instead of running from them and making them worse. Owning up to what she's done. I should be sorry this time though, I shouldn't have blamed you for the children being taken away. It was because of you leaving, but I know you didn't choose for it to happen. There was no way you could have even know it was going to happen... nobody could have. I didn't even know it was coming, I just showed up at the hospital when you had our twins, and was told I couldn't see them... or the rest of the children, no warning or anything.  Of course it seem there never is any warning when you're about to lose somebody you love."

"Well that made me feel even worse. I can't believe they did that to you... I can't believe I did that to you. Oh I'm such an idiot, I can't believe how much I messed things up. I am really sorry."

"Why don't you stop apologizing, and just promise that you won't leave ever again? That the Rachelle that does stupid things like running away is gone, and that the Rachelle I'm talking to right now is here to stay."

"I promise." I let him pull me close, and rested my head on his shoulder. I missed those moments, where we just stayed close to each other...whether it was like then where we had made up after a fight, or it was just because we enjoyed being in each others company and just wanted to have a peaceful moment. It felt like we'd never been apart, and I didn't want the moment to end. It was just too perfect.