From Farm to Fame- Chapter 30

Desperation can cause people to do many stupid things. My life the story of those desperate reactions, and standing in the kitchen trying to make sure my family was safe with Carlos breathing down my back, was no different. My reaction not to run as it had been in the past, but to kill, to set free myself and my family from his reign of terror. The effects were not something I thought about as I pulled a knife from the drawer in front of me, or as I turned around, ready to thrust it into his body... the closest I ever wanted to be to him, I'd had no intent to let him touch me. Out of all the consequences that could have happened, the one that did was probably the least awful out of all of them. He won the battle over me, perhaps with less pain and suffering than he would have liked, but he won. Faster than I had managed to turn around the knife had  been flipped around to puncture through my body instead. When I lost my own life, I won the lives of my family, so although he won I did too. He no longer had me to torture, he would leave my family alone.

Death is a very strange occurance. As fast as the knife was flipped back around and thrust through my body, everything around me vanished completely. It did just fade away, it was gone, in that flash of a second... everything was gone. The sight of my house with Carlos standing in it looking angrier than I'd ever seen anybody look, the sound of his voice as yelled angry profanities at me, the feel of his hands on mine as he turned them and the knife back towards me. All replaced with darkness and silence. Yet some how I was aware of the darkness and silence, my mind continued to live while my heart died, and it scared me.  I didn't want to live in such a state for all eternity.

When I finally awakened in full and in my new form, I felt relief, but also terror. I was no longer human nor was alive, yet I survived as a vampire. Dead but alive, living on the blood of others, I was a monster, a fate worse than death. I had spent much of my time at working going back through the towns old new files, the deaths the paper printed as animal attacks, but were really vampire attacks. The dates of of aritcles helped me find more useful info, stashed away in top secret areas, or in books in the library... the real information. From that I found what I had needed to know, how to become a vampire. I needed the blood of a vampire, and after following many false leads I found one willing to help me out... and from then on I had always had vampire blood in my system. Though I failed to remember why I had through so much work, or why I had wanted to become a vampire. It seemed like a stupid idea.

It hit me when I reached the house after walking back from the graveyard, and I peered in the window, Gaige had been the reason.  I watched for a moment as he sat on the bed with his face hanging down, it was harder to see than his face when I left him back in Appaloosa Plains. I sighed and took a deep breath before heading to the door, wishing that my emotions had died with my heart, I had no idea how he would react... wether he would be happy, or scared. Wether he'd actually want to see me again, or not. The welcome mat I had left on the doorstep served as my invitation in, so I didn't bother to knock. "I promised I'd never leave you again."

He leapt up in shock. "Rachelle? How?" He shook his head in confusion and disbelief. "You died, you were buried in the ground...You can't be alive now. It doesn't work that way. Not that I'm not happy to see you, I just don't like to think that this is my imagination, and I'm really talking to myself."

"I am dead, but you're not imagining things. My heart no longer beats, but I survive as a vampire. Don't try to make any further sense of it, because I can't even do so, and it is my life now... if you want to call it that."

I was surprised at how easily he accepted finding out I had become a vampire."Okay, now how do we explain this to everybody else?"

"We don't. Gaige, nobody else can know about this, nobody will understand. There's a reason nobody ever sees any vampires, why they....we.... let people believe we don't even exist. They'll kill me if they know, I'm a monster... people have every right to fear me... they should fear me. I don't want to hurt anyone, but most vampires will. You're the only one I can trust, you're the only one who can know."

"So... you can't really be around. You do have to leave." He paused for a moment and I could tell he just wanted to cry, but he half smiled before going on. "You know I get them back now. Now that they know what Carlos was up to... they have no reason to keep them from me anymore. You won't even be part of their lives?"

"Gaige, I can't." I cried, I didn't even know it was still possible until I started. "I want to. You have no idea how much I want to. I miss them so much. I just want to hold all of them and never let them go. I want to be there as they grow up, be at all their school events, their graduation, their weddings. Everything, I want to be a mom again. They just... they don't need this thrust upon them. They've been through enough, and they still have so much of their lives ahead of them. They just need the chance to as normal of a life as possible. They won't know the difference not having me around... they never did have me around for very long, they don't have much to compare to. They won't remember me."

"So you are leaving. You should have just stayed dead, not wasted my time with this crap, if you were just going to leave anyway. Messing with someone like this is just wrong."

"I didn't say I was leaving, so don't be upset. I will always be nearby if you need me, I will always rush right to your side. There will be moments we can be together, nights when everybody else is asleep... times when you are alone. I will be there, as long as you want me to be I will be there. I will be here, even when you can't see me. As long as you want me around I will be, if it's just too messed up and you want me to leave completely I will. Unless you tell me to leave I won't."

"I just want you around all the time, like normal. I don't think the kids will care, they'll accept it as long as you treat them like a mother would. You just can't... you have to be here, all the time."

"I know, but they'll still have to deal with things they shouldn't... I just want the best for them. That's not some vampire parent, a parent they can't explain to anybody... they don't deserve that. Gaige, you got by just fine without me before, you can do it part time now. You just have to do it part time now, as long as that's what you want... that's all I can offer you. I'm sorry."

"I just wish we hadn't spent so much time apart, or fighting... when we had so little left. I guess I'll take what I can, it's just going to take a while to get used to." He smiled. "I love you. I'm really happy you're here. No matter what."

I smiled back. "I love you too." From that moment on, our relationship was stronger than it had ever been before, like we'd never been apart...we'd never fought. Everything we'd overcome, and taking on my new lifestyle together just made us so much stronger. The days apart were hard, but the nights together were worth it. I still got to watch over my children's lives; even if they didn't know, and I couldn't talk to them or hug them. They'd be okay, Gaige would okay, and I was okay knowing that they would be.