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12/17/2013

From Farm to Fame: Lexie- Chapter 5

Going back to school seemed strange. I hadn’t been since before Christmas break; one week of classes followed Christmas break, and two weeks of exams followed after that. I hadn’t been to school in over a month. I didn’t even write my final exams, I’d write them with my finals from the second semester; there would have been no way I would have passed, I’d hardly done any review and I was still having too hard of a time to be able to focus. I still didn`t want to go back to school, I just felt like I needed to. I needed to try and regain some normalcy in my life, whatever that meant; spending a few hours a day with the distraction of school seemed like a good place to start. Besides I knew it was what mom and dad would want, they would want us to go back to school and give our best effort, they'd just want to see us do well in our lives; I wanted to believe that they were still watching over us somehow and I had to make them proud.

It didn’t take long after walking through the front doors and into the lobby to realize that everybody was staring at me and it made me uncomfortable. “Everybody is looking at me, do I have something on my face or something?” I asked Jayson. I realized after I asked that it was because everybody was still worried about how I was holding up, or at least they were faking it because it seemed like the right thing to do.

“You know why everybody’s looking at you…”

“I know, but nobody even noticed me before, so why do they have to do so now? Besides don’t they have anything new to worry about?”

“People notice you more than you’d like to believe. Especially since you basically haven’t been out of your house in a month, your presence is more noticeable, because it’s kind of unexpected. I don’t think anybody else is going to forget your family that fast either, they were well loved and respected around here.”

“Maybe I just shouldn’t have come back yet, maybe I should go home. I don’t know if I’m ready for this.” 

“No, you need to be here. You’re never going to want to come back; you just need to get it over with. I hate seeing you so miserable, you need stop staying home to sulk, you need to go out and start getting your life back together. Even if it is just for a couple hours at school, it’ll get easier the more you do it.”

I didn’t respond. It was everything I'd already told myself, but it seemed a lot harder to believe in that moment. I knew he was right that I’d just keep saying I didn’t want to go back, and I had to fight that urge to just give up. I just felt so overwhelmed that I wanted to go home anyway.

“Why don’t you stay for your morning classes, and then go home? Then you don’t have to deal with it all day but you aren’t just giving up either?” He suggested after a couple moments of silence.

“That still seems like too long.”

“It’s only a couple hours, and we have the same morning classes anyway, so you don’t have to do it alone.”

“Okay, I'll try it anyway.”I agreed, I was glad I had him there to support me.

I did have to admit that I felt a bit better once I was actually in class. I was too distracted to think too much, and it kept everybody else distracted enough that they forgot all about me like I preffered. Aside from one guy sitting 2 desks in front of me in second period English, but for some reason I didn’t mind his stares. I didn’t recognize him and figured he must be a new student, it was pretty hard to forget a face in Hidden Springs in the first place, but I would have remembered his. He looked away a couple times when Jayson, who was sitting beside me, started talking to me and I just wanted him turn back around to look at me; I thought about trying to ignore Jayson to see if it would help, but I didn't really want to be rude.

Jayson had convinced me by the end of the second period to just stay all day. I was sitting at a table outside waiting for Jayson to buy his lunch and join me when the guy from English came and sat across from me and introduced himself “Hey, I’m Levi. I’m sure you probably noticed me in English...”

“uh…” I couldn’t believe he was actually talking to me, I had no idea how to respond for a moment but looking at his smile made me less nervous. It was rare that I wasn't nervous talking so someone, and especially someone like him. “Yeah, It was pretty hard not to. I’m Lexie by the way.”

“Nice to meet you. So, tell me. What’s with you and that guy you were sitting beside? You seem really close.”

“He’s just a really good friend. We’ve known each other since first grade.”

“I hope that means your single?”

I started to feel a bit nervous again. I couldn’t believe where the conversation seemed to be headed, he couldn’t really be interested in me like that, could he? “uh…yeah…”

“You don’t seem sure about that.”

“I am.”

“Well, if you’re sure. I was wondering if you might like to go out with me sometime?”

“Oh…uh…”Suddenly I really panicked. I was really flattered, and I really wanted to say yes, but I didn’t think I could. I just had too much going on in my life for dating. I was still a mess and I couldn’t imagine dating somebody when I feeling that way; it didn’t really seemed fair to drag him into my mess of a life either. “I’m sorry…”

“I’ll take that as no.” He looked disappointed and started to stand up to walk away.

“I really am sorry. I want to say yes. I just can’t right now, I have too much else going on in my life, I'm just not in that place right now.”

He sat back down. “Well, I’m sorry to hear that. Does this mean we can at least be friends?” He smiled and added “For now, anyway?”

I smiled back. “I think I handle that.”

“Cool.”

There was silence for a moment or two after, I wasn’t good at starting conversation and he didn’t seem to know what to say either. Eventually he made some sort of comment about how cold it was. I laughed, it was a warm day for early February, it was even warm enough that most of the snow was melted, though it had barely been warm enough and it had take about a week. He told me he was from Isla Paradiso; it was never so cold and he'd never seen snow until he arrived in Hidden Springs. Soon we were so lost in conversation that I hardly noticed when Jayson finally sat down beside me.

He was looking slightly confused when I did notice him, nobody ever sat with us so I couldn’t blame him. “Oh. Jayson this is Levi. He's new here, but you probably figured that out. He's in our English class.”

They both said “Hey” before Levi went back to continue what he had been saying.

He was again interrupted when a girl sat beside him and started talking over him. “Hey loser, who are your friends?”

“Jayson and Lexie. And this is my dork of a sister Catrina.” He pointed at the girl and rolled his eyes, looking directly at her as he did so.

Catrina rolled her eyes back at him before looking at me. “I hope he’s not bothering you. He’s always bothering the girls. I'd be careful I were you.”

“I’m not bothering anybody. You’re the one bothering us.” He retorted.

“Whatever. I’ll leave anyway, I don’t actually want to be seen talking to you.” They stuck their tongues out at each other, obviously just joking around. It was funny, but also made me feel a bit sad since the only siblings I’d had that kind of relationship with at all were gone. “It was nice to meet you two.” She added looking at me and Jayson, before walking away.

Catrina and Levi both became really close friends. Between them and Jayson, I almost always had someone to hang out with or talk to, I was seldom alone. I felt a lot better when I was around any of them, they were just great at distracting me an cheering me up. I actually started to feel really happy when I was around them, though it took a bit of time, and I felt incredibly blessed to have all of them in my life.