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1/01/2013

From Farm to Fame: Haylie- Chapter Eighteen


“You are playing on a laptop when you could be enjoying the beauty of nature all around you?” He was already annoying but somehow just his voice made me feel things I wasn’t ready to feel again yet; fluttery love struck feelings. I had to bury those feelings deep down somewhere inside myself. I wasn’t ready to be over Chase yet, even if the rumours were that he was already over me. I'd never forgive him for abandoning the twins, and a very large part of me hated him for it, but there was still a small part that loved him. The part that still loved him wasn't ready to let go of the good memories and promises for the future, it wasn't ready to pretend that it was okay if it was all over, because it wasn't.

I didn’t bother to look up at him, I just wanted him to go away. “I’m writing actually, and I find this to be a good place to write. I especially like how peaceful it is. So if you want to leave me alone, that’d be great.”

“What if I don’t want to leave?”

“Do so anyway.”

I watched him walk out of the corner of my eye as he pulled the chair around from the other side of the table to sit right beside me, barely leaving an inch of space between us. “Na, I think I’m just going to sit right here and enjoy the view. It is after all a public place, so you can’t really make me leave.”

I hated how those feelings were trying to climb back out, and I knew he knew what he was doing to me. I was sure he did it all the time. I didn’t even have to look at him, it was in his voice he was one of those gorgeous guys who could get any girl with ease and he knew it. He loved it, and he would be the type of guy who slept with a different girl every day and then threw her away like trash, never wanting anything more or anything meaningful. I tried to ignore him and kept trying to keep those feeling pushed back down where they belonged, but I could tell that he was watching me far more than anything else and it annoyed me, I almost wanted to slap him for it. “The view is that way.” I snarled and pointed straight ahead.

“There are incredible views all over the place here. I was looking at the one to the side, you just happen to be in the way. Though, I do enjoy comparing the beauty of you and the view... you definitely win, and that’s pretty hard...”

It was so cheesy and I didn’t believe it, but it let a whole bunch of those stupid fluttery feelings out anyway. I didn’t even know how to respond, I was sure whatever I said would encourage him somehow; if I let him know that part of me had melted at that comment he would keep going and I wouldn’t be able to push down the rest of those feelings again, but if I told him I wasn’t interested and to go away he’d accept it as a challenge to find a way to gain my interest. I just went back to trying to ignore him.

That didn’t work either, because it was only a few minutes before he started commenting on what I had been writing and pointing out every typo I had made, literally pointing at it so I couldn’t ignore his hand in the way of my screen. I finally turned to face him ready to snap at him, he was just getting to be too annoying, even those irritating fluttery feelings were settling down. They came back even stronger when I actually looked at him he was indeed gorgeous, like a god, and I couldn’t even find words to say. I still wanted to not fall in love with him, but it was getting so much harder.

 I knew I had to get away from him. I just shut my laptop and walked away, without saying a thing. I could hear him calling out behind me; wanting me to stop, wanting my number, wanting to know who I was, wanting to know if I’d be there the next day. I kept walking trying to tune his voice out and trying not to look back, but I couldn’t help glancing back once after he’d given up on trying to get my attention; he looked confused and a bit hurt. I guessed he just wasn’t used to rejection, and I almost felt bad.

I hesitated to go back the next day. I still wanted to go there to write, with him distracting me I really hadn’t gotten caught up to where I wanted to be, and I really needed to go back up to make up the lost time; it really was the best place to write. He wasn’t there when I finally convinced myself to go, I still didn’t manage to get anything done though. I kept thinking about him, wondering if he would show up. Eventually I gave up on writing and just sat there waiting and hoping he would show. I wasn’t sure why, I was still scared to allow myself to move on from Chase, but I just couldn’t push those feelings away any longer, it was tiring to do so as they were there at even the faintest thought of him and I was always thinking of him even when I didn’t mean or want to.

I went through phases where I was okay with not seeing him again and I didn’t need to wait for him knowing that he was probably over me already and wouldn’t show up again. Then I’d go through the phases where I had to go every day waiting for him to show up. Summer turned to fall and the phases where I didn’t care if I ever saw him again were shorter and less frequent and I spent more time waiting as the temperatures got cooler. Fall turned to winter, and the phases where I didn’t care stopped existing and I waited every day in the cold and the snow hoping he’d show up. He never did.

As the holidays approached and life got busier I stopped waiting for him. I wanted to worry about making it a special time for the girls before worrying about some guy that I didn’t really know. I wanted to make up for not being there for so long and make the most of being able to celebrate holidays and things with them again. I took them down to the winter festival to enjoy the season and the snow. It didn’t snow in Starlight Shores so they’d never have seen it, I thought they might like playing in it; I’d never seen it before myself and I found it fascinating. 

There wasn’t much for them but they enjoyed having their faces painted like tigers and crawling around in the snow growling at each other. When they got bored of doing so I tried to make a snowman for them as they seemed to be fascinated with one that somebody else had made. It was a pretty sloppy snowman and it looked like it was about to fall over or something, but the twins had enjoyed helping me as much they could, and I thought we did pretty good considering we’d never made one before. The twins started requesting a snow family, so I started to work on that when I heard somebody laugh. “That is a horrible snowman. It’s a good thing you’re a more creative and talented writer.”

I recognized his voice and looked to see him smiling at me. I smiled back at him, I hadn’t thought a lot about him for a week or two, but I was happy to finally see him again. “Hey, it doesn’t snow where I’m from. I’ve never made a snowman before. And those tiger cubs there” I pointed at the twins, who were still trying to roll around a snowball that was just too big for them. “are my helpers, tigers aren’t the best snowman makers you know, they prefer to chase and attack things... especially if it's snow, apparently.”

“Well, I guess a good enough snowman then; only because of the tigers though, and only because they are really cute tigers. I should probably run before daddy tiger chases after me though.”

“Daddy tiger isn’t around, I don't know where he is. He doesn't want to be around me or his cubs at all."

“Well then I guess I don’t have run then, unless you still want me to leave you alone…”

“Well it is a public place, so I can’t make you leave..." I joked "but I don’t want you to, as long as you show us how to make a good snowman.”

“Sounds like a good deal to me. I’m Maxwell by the way, you can just call me Max.”

“Haylie.”

The twins had gotten bored already and got back to growling and crawling around in the snow. Max and I just ended up sitting on the bench and talking. He only been visiting the town for a couple days when he was at Redwood Peak, and he'd thought I hated him so he didn't go back the next day, but he got tired of missing me and came back for good and hoping I'd have a change of heart. I thought it sounded too exaggerated until  I realized how I waited so many days for a guy who never showed up, which wasn't that much different. It felt like one of those moments in a romantic movie where everything finally comes together to make that too perfect moment that never happens in real life, no matter how hard you wish for it. I just hoped it lasted into the happily ever after.

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Also, I'm too lazy to make a whole new post for it, so happy new year to everybody out there, hope you have fun and stay safe, and may 2013 bring you only the best luck and lots of happiness.