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8/04/2014

Regretfully I've had to make a decision...

-sorry this is so long, I didn't quite mean for it to be (skip the 1st paragraph if you just want to get to the point)-

So recent events have put me in a position where I once again felt the need to delay. I know last chapter I was all “the next one's half done, it shouldn’t be long.” so I wasn’t expecting a delay now but that was when the chapter was half done; now it’s not. It was almost done, I had to get and edit screenshots and I was set but the writing and some screenshots were done. I lost all my writing because word decided to be an asshole and delete the whole document, minus approx. 10 words… that had been taken out and changed (I’m so damn happy I can finally write properly by hand now, it’s back to doing first copies by hand so I always have a hard copy). As some of you know, but others probably don't, my parents were also in an accident on the weekend (everybody’s okay aside from minor injuries). Now everything is a bit crazy in my house. My time is more limited right now as I help my family out however I can (and as I take the reminder to spend time with my family, especially as some of us have been feeling others don't necessarily want to be around each other. It seems an important time to remind everybody time with them is valuable). Emotions are kind of crazy for everybody right now, and stress levels are high. I should have been in the car, but I was sick so I was at home resting, I’m so damn lucky I wasn’t in the car because I likely would not be typing this right now. So needless to say it shook everybody up a fair bit, the outcome was so close to being so very different. I’m a naturally paranoid and emotion person, so just the what-if’s have been making me insane and the fact that I still get random emotional “I’m so glad you weren’t there” hugs doesn’t help calm me any (and apparently not supposed to expect them to end soon). I mean it’ll all pass in time, it’s starting to already, but it still making things difficult and probably will for at least a few days yet (it doesn't help it was a long weekend here, so it's delayed dealing with non-emergency aspects of the situation). I’m not in the right state of mind currently to work on redoing all my writing; I’m so obsessed with getting everything exactly right to how I had it before and I just can't focus on dealing with that now, I have enough stress (from stuff besides the accident too, just so much stress). By the time I get back into a normal pace, and manage to rewrite things to my satisfaction, and then still get the rest of what I need and do the editing of my screenshots I figure I’m looking at a couple weeks for a delay... at least (at the rate I’m going that could easily change). 

Anyway, I'm rambling so on to the point, I’ve put a lot of thought into it, and though it’s difficult in many ways to do, I have decided to cancel this story. Honestly I planned to basically end the story at the end of this generation anyway, it’s just time to look at bringing it to a close. Though I thought about continuing to play the family just without doing too much of a story, more just because I didn’t totally want to give them up I planned to just play them and keep updated on their lives and where the family ends up, just for my own curiosity and in case anybody else was curious too. Perhaps I will still do that, but it seems kind of awkward in the middle of the generation and I can imagine it just wouldn’t be the same wanting to connect everything back to the story, so I’m still trying to decide for sure on that one. I've thought a lot about this, I've thought about if things right now go better than expected, will I regret it? I was already considering it before the accident likely added time to the delay (and sometimes before that even, and nearly every time I delay... so a fair bit), honestly I still expected it to be pretty lengthy with all I have to redo and all I still haven't done, it's unlikely i'll gain that much time anywhere. A delay and it's length aren't the only problems. One of the problems is that I’m getting pretty bored; I still adore the family… I love Lexie to pieces; it’s not so much her that I’m bored of but the story. Though part of me is still excited too, the more I delay and drag it out the more bored I get and the more I lose my connection to the story (and it's getting to be too much). I really hate cancelling in the middle of the generation like this, I wanted to see it through to the end, and I didn’t want to jut cancel and leave everybody hanging on what happens, but I planned for a while to wrap this up in September (if I could pick up the pace enough, haha), and now I look at it and how much I have left to go and I just think “oh god, that much. This thing will never fucking end.”, probably not the thoughts I should be having if I want to keep this going. I feel bad for cancelling like this and not actually tying things up and ending the story nicely, but honestly if I keep dragging it out that’s not the ending that will happen anyway, it’s just going to fall apart and everybody will hate it before it ends and I don't want that, it's just as bad imo.

I guess, if anybody still wants to kind of see what happens with the family I can do as I said I was thinking of before and continue to play them and just not continue with the story like this, perhaps I can do one last bonus where are they now kind of chapter it seems kind of odd to jump so much like that but it’s another idea I had if anybody would like that (from there I’d probably keep going with future generations I was kind of thinking I might, it’s getting through and around the cancellation in the middle of the generation that’s difficult). Or if anybody has any other ideas, idk what as I don’t think there are many options but if you have something please feel free to let me know and I will consider it. I really don’t want to just end it like this, but I can’t keep going with things how they are, but I feel bad about it so I’m willing if there’s anything I can do that might help close this a bit nicer for people I’m willing to consider it. It might take a bit of time, but I'll get to it ASAP. It likely still won't take as long as it would to get the next chapter out, but it might take some time. 

If anybody is wondering (or if anybody would like to know what else I'm working on since this is done), The Barrett Legacy will continue, it's just this story. Hopefully with the cancellation of From Farm to Fame devoting time to it will be easier. So hopefully while it's been going at a slower pace too that will pick up in the near future as a lot of that slowness has been because it gets shoved aside for this.

Also one more place I'll still be found (you may or may not have noticed on my sidebar) is on my new simblr. On there I've started a bit of a story. I'm still trying to keep it nice and laidback and not too in-depth, but we'll see what happens, it wasn't even supposed to be a story at all. But I couldn't help imagining a bit of a background for my sims, and my game couldn't help creating some interesting gameplay and situations. Of course it's left me to figure out what everything means, there's a good chance that it won't stay too simple for too long.

So I'll still have those going, if anybody is following them or wants to start as this ends.

I guess all I have left to say is thank-you. Thank-you for all the support over the last almost 3 years. I only ever did this for myself, but it's always so nice to see other people who've enjoyed reading, and I appreciate everybody who's done so. I never expected this to last almost 3 years (though all those delays help add time, lol). Honestly my plans got totally changed around basically from day one, this was supposed to be a lot quicker (like lasting maybe a year or so). The title basically says what this was supposed to be and it was supposed to achieve that somewhat quickly, I had this little farm girl working towards fame and fortune and the idea was it would take a few generations... it was a rags to riches basically across several generations whatever it took. As I ramble again, back to the point, thank-you for making all this time possible. I only ever did this for myself, but I wouldn't keep going like this if it wasn't for the people who've supported me along the way, and I appreciate anybody who's ever taken the time to read, so thank-you so much. ♥

7/16/2014

From Farm to Fame: Lexie- Chapter 10

It was late in the afternoon before we arrived in Isla Paradiso; the flight had seemed to take forever, I was just so excited to get there. The taxi that dropped us off from the airport could only drop us at one end of the beach but the houseboat was at the other. It seemed like a long walk down the beach and until we finally stopped in front of a little wooden houseboat; well, it was still larger than I'd really expected but it was smaller and less extravagant than the others we'd passed along the way. 

I was still impressed by it, but Levi apologized "Sorry it's kind of a let down after those big fancy houseboats."

"I think it's nice."

"Well it's even nicer in motion. So what do you say we head out to that island straight ahead. There's a dock around the side so we can settle there for the evening."

"Okay. Sounds like fun."

I'd just stood beside Levi watch the view as he steered. It was just so beautiful; Isla Paradiso was appropriately named, it was paradise and it was perfect. I could already tell that it was going to be the best summer ever; just being in Isla Paradiso was an amazing experience but being there with Levi made it so much better.

It was still a couple hours before we docked on the island; we'd gotten all our stuff settled in our rooms before heading out and the houseboat didn't move very fast once it was in motion so it still took some time to get there. I didn't mind I enjoyed just watching the view in front of us; it was incredible. I could see how Isla Paradiso earned it's name, as it truly seemed like paradise. I could only imagine that it would be an amazing summer there, lots to see and do, and I'd get to experience it all with Levi; I couldn't imagine the summer being anything but perfect.

After eating supper, which was just pizza we'd had delivered as we hadn't stopped for groceries, we went to walk along the beach. It was just so nice and peaceful, nobody else around us; it was a nice way to just wind down and relax for the night. We stopped to lay down on the beach to watch the sunset but stayed there chatting until long after it had set and stars filled the sky.

I hated saying goodnight a lot less when finally did get back to the houseboat to turn in for the night. I liked knowing that I'd see him first thing in the morning, I wouldn't have to wait for school to start or wait until we could both meet up somewhere; we'd see each other as soon as we woke up. I liked that every day would be like that for the next two months.

We both slept until about noon the next day. So we didn't much, we had talked about heading out to a dive spot but to get to the easiest one, which was best for my lack of experience, would take all day unless we took a speedboat which just seemed pointless when we were on a houseboat. We did go out windsurfing for a bit though, just for something fun to do. Levi had enjoyed showing off by doing tricks and racing ahead of me as I struggled to even keep the board upright. It wasn't long before I got the hang of it though and caught up to him, even managing to pull off a couple flips myself.

The evening was much like the last, just hanging out and relaxing on the beach. I really didn't mind if we never left the island; Levi seemed more bothered because he was just so excited to show me all Isla Paradiso had to offer but I was perfectly happy with whatever happened.

We never made it to the dive spot the next either, we had to hit the main island to get groceries so we didn't have to keep ordering pizza. So we just spent the day at the summer festival; it wasn't much different from the Hidden Springs summer festival, but it was still fun.


It was definitely already the best summer of my life and I just knew it would keep getting better.


---
Sorry it's taken me so long to get this out. I hate taking like 6 weeks to get out such simple chapters (or any). Though this was pending editing for like 3 weeks, I've just been busy and/or not feeling well because it's so hot here and/or I've been too exhausted to get anything done. The next chapter is half done though so hopefully the wait won't be so long next time... or ever again. I'm trying to pick up the pace, the summer may be difficult though so no promises. As always thank-you all for your support and patience. ♥

6/05/2014

From Farm to Fame: Lexie- Chapter 9

I had passed all my exams from the first semester with flying colours so I didn’t have to retake anything, and could enjoy a much easier second semester where I could slack off a lot more. I was graduating with honours and a scholarship to university. I imagined as I received my diploma and hurled in the air that mom and dad were smiling down on me and beaming with pride. I smiled back at them as my diploma soared higher; it almost seemed that it was going high enough for them to reach it.

The ceremonies were short; it didn’t take long to go through all the graduates of Hidden Springs High School as it was such a small class. I was grateful the ceremonies were short; they were honestly somewhat boring and it was hot standing under the sun wearing heavy dark grad robes; they’d warned us to dress cool under the robes but I didn’t think we could dress cool enough. I was looking forward to just getting out of those awful robes and freshening up at home.  Levi, Jayson, Katrina, and I were all going to hang out a redwood peak later, after they had lunch with their families.

There was a small banquet being hosted by the school but I’d opted out of going. I was only going to go because grandma and grandpa were supposed to go with me but they’d ended up being unable to come because grandpa was too sick to travel, and even then I was really only going because grandma insisted that I’d regret it if I didn’t go. I still hadn’t been convinced that I would regret not going but I knew I’d regret going more without them there; I’d be forced to sit there and watch everybody else with their families while missing my own. I could have taken Zoe; we were getting along better, but I still wasn’t fond of having her at the banquet with me; we didn’t get along that well. Levi had been a sweetheart opting out of going himself to keep me company; I insisted it wasn’t necessary and that I didn’t want to spoil his fun, but he’d insisted it would be no fun without me anyway. It was a nice reminder of why I loved him so much, not that I really needed it. Jayson had opted out of going anyway, and Katrina wasn’t even graduating for another year so we just all decided to spend the evening hanging out; it would be the last time we did so at least for a while. Levi and I would be away for the summer and then we’d be going to university together, Jayson was going to a different university, and Katrina was just stuck behind us all.

I was glad I’d opted out of the banquet. I had a great time hanging out with the people who really mattered to me. We just talked; mostly about plans for the summer, and life after high school, but just whatever else we felt like. We joked around and goofed off, told ghost stories, and roasted marshmallows around the fire until late at night. It wasn’t a typical grad celebration, and not much different from most of the days that we all hung out, but I loved every minute of it.

I didn’t even realize how late it was, it was almost midnight, until Jayson got up to leave. “I should go. I have to be up early, but I had fun.”

He was walking away before I could even respond. “Hey wait.”

He stopped. “What?”

“You can’t leave without a hug. I don’t know when I’ll see you again” He waited while I got up and went over to hug him, as had become usual I could tell he felt awkward about hugging me back. “Have a good summer. And stay in touch, okay?”

“Yeah, sure. Enjoy your trip.”

I realized I should probably go too. Levi and I were leaving in the morning and I hadn’t even packed yet. “I guess I should go too, but thanks, I had fun.”

“We’ll walk you home.” Levi answered, I never expected him to do so, but I knew he always would; I did love that cared so much.

Katrina waited at the end of the walkway while Levi walked me right up to the door to say goodbye, he never left until I was inside.

"Thanks. See you in the morning. Love you."

“Love you too babe.”

He kissed me goodnight like always, and like always I missed him as soon as I was inside; I was really glad I'd see him again in only a few hours, and that we'd have the whole summer to just be together.

I didn’t spent much time packing, I decided much of what I had wasn’t worth taking anyway and I'd just buy new stuff there; besides I just really hated packing. Zoe knocked on my bedroom door before I was done.

“Hey, what’s up?” I answered.

“I just wanted to say goodbye, and that I hope you have a great trip. And call me when you get there, ‘cause I’ll worry. And we both know I won’t be up in the morning to tell you this.”

I was surprised when she hugged me. “Uh… thanks. I’ll call as soon as I can.”

“Good. I’ll let you finish packing now.”

4/26/2014

From Farm to Fame: Lexie- Chapter 8

I sat beside Zoe on the sofa just waiting until she calmed down enough to talk to me. “Okay, what’s wrong?” I asked after she finally stopped crying.

“I miss them…” She responded wiping the tears away from her eyes; though her mascara still trailed down her face.

“And what brought on this surprising and sudden revelation?” I honestly hadn’t thought she really cared that much. I knew she cared more than she’d let on, but I’d never expected to see her crying so hard over it.

She shrugged. “Dunno. I guess that it’s like you’re trying to take over for mom now, and earlier when I slapped you… they would have been so mad. Of course dad would have already sent us to our rooms before then even, because we weren’t playing nice, mom would have given us a warning and threatened to ground us, me mostly. Then again I’d already be in trouble for leaving a mess.”

“I think mom and dad would have been delighted that the most trouble you've been causing, putting slapping me aside, is making a mess. But, yeah, they hated when we argued.”

“They just hated me, didn’t they? Be honest.”

“They loved you, a lot. They always hated that you’d never call them or answer when they called you, and they were happy when you came home. They missed you a lot whenever you were away.”

“It never seemed like it.”

“Well you didn’t get to see it. You didn’t get to see how sad they looked when you ignored their calls or when you had to go back to school, even when you were around you couldn’t see how happy they were to have you home you didn’t seem to have an interest in being around anybody when you were home and I don’t think you realize how much they really wanted you here.”

“They sent me away, how was I supposed to feel.” Her voiced cracked slightly, like she was about to cry again, though she fought  it back.

“I know, but you did earn it. And they would have been happy to have you home permanently, if you’d stopped getting in so much trouble.”

“I really hated them for sending me away, but now I really miss them. I wish I got along with them like you did, I wish I hadn’t shut them out of my life. I really regret it, and I can’t change it anymore.”

I didn't really know what to say next. I felt like I should tell her that I was sure they'd understood, somehow it seemed like what I was supposed to say, but I didn't know if I could honestly say it and it wouldn't change the past and take away her regrets. We just sat in silence for several more as she started to cry again. “How do you deal with this? How are you always okay with this?” She eventually asked after calming down slightly.

“I fake it, a lot. I’m never okay with this, it always hurts. I always miss them. I still cry about it pretty much every day, usually late at night when I’m all alone and have nothing left but my thoughts. I just have to go on with my life, find things that can distract me and make me feel better at least for a while. It does get easier, and less painful, but so far it hasn’t just all gone away and I know it never will. You just need to do the same, you need to do your grieving and then you need to move on with your life. Someday it will be tolerable again, and someday you’ll be able to feel moments of happiness again. This will always be part of our lives, but it doesn’t have to control them. Mom, dad, Camden, Shane… they wouldn’t want that for us, to suffer like that, they’d want us to move on and find reasons to be happy again…. like we would want for them, because I know you wouldn't want them to suffer either.”

“It doesn’t seem like it’ll get better.”

“I know, I thought that too, but it will. Facing your emotions is a start, I know it’s hard, but it’ll help. Sitting around bottling everything up doesn’t do any good. You need to hurt before you can heal, and you need to admit you’re hurting first. I know how you feel right now is why you wanted to bottle everything up, but it did you no good. Now you can start healing, it won’t be easy, or fast, but you’ll get there. And I’ll be here, if you need me.”

“Why? I don’t even deserve your help. After everything I’ve done to you, you should hate me.”

“Nobody deserves to feel this bad, even you. Besides I know mom and dad would want us to stick together and look after each other, so it’s partly for them too. I don’t want to hate you either, you’re still my sister, and on some level I’ve always wished we could get along better. Seeing this vulnerable side to you, this side that’s hurting because you actually cared about somebody besides yourself, well I felt bad for you. I can’t let you go through this alone.”

“Thanks. And I’m really sorry, for earlier, and for… everything. I really am.”

Her apology caught me by surprise. I'd waited so long for an apology from her for what she done to me but I never expected I would get it. I didn't know if I could believe it, I wanted to, but it was hard to trust her. “I can’t just forgive you because you said sorry. Especially right now, I can’t believe that it’s not just the emotions of this situation and that you won’t go back to how you were before. You have to prove it.”

“I will. I regret that everybody else died and I didn’t really know them, we didn’t get along. I don’t want that to happen with us too... if tragedy should ever strike again.”

“I don’t want that either, so I’ll give you a chance and make the effort to get along too.”

“You won’t regret it I promise.”

We didn’t really say anything else to each other; she got up after little while and went upstairs. I assumed she’d gone to her room, but I gave her a few minutes and went to check on her and make sure she was okay; She was fast asleep in her bed. 

I went back downstairs to start cleaning up. I wasn’t going to try pushing the subject with Zoe anymore, not at that time, I’d just let her grieve. I decided to call Levi as I was cleaning, one last chance to ask for forgiveness; I just hoped he’d answer.

The phone rang several times and I thought he wasn’t going to answer, normally he'd answer me after one or two rings, but he did eventually answer. “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just wanted to apologize. I really am sorry. I did want to go out with you today, I just had to deal with Zoe.”

“It’s okay. When you said it was Zoe I figured it was important. I know you wouldn’t blow me off for her otherwise. I just wanted to give you time to deal with whatever it was before responding. So what happened?”

“She finally decided to start grieving. I was just about to leave and she was crying, it worried me because it’s not like her. I ended up trying to console and comfort her.”

“That sounds like fun…”

“Yeah... great fun. It was the best we’ve ever gotten along though, and she apologized for being so horrible to me, so it wasn't all bad.”

“And you believe that?”

“No, but I’m giving her a chance anyway.”

“You’re a nicer person than I am then. Now I’m assuming you’re done dealing with her since you called?”

“Yeah she’s gone to sleep now, so I don’t have to worry about her for a little while at least.”

“There’s still time in the evening if you still want to do something.”

“Meet you at the bistro in a few minutes?” 

“Sounds good.”

He was already there waiting at a table when I arrived, but stood up to greet me, giving me a quick hug and kiss. “I think I’d forgotten how good you looked in all that time.”

“Sweet, but you didn’t see me that little.” I replied as I sat down.

“Yeah, well you were always buried in textbooks even when I did get to see you. I’d forgotten you have a face, I thought I was going see a book floating over a body walking towards me.... or would that be over a desk” He joked.

“Haha, very funny. I am really sorry though, for being such a crappy girlfriend.”

“It’s okay, I could tell how stressed out you were, I’m not mad, but I did miss you. Though I hope you passed everything so we don’t have to do this again.”

I laughed, “Oh just wait, there’s still university. We'll do it all over again, but it'll be worse”

He groaned, “Don’t remind me.”

“I’ll try to be better. No promises I’ll succeed though, you saw how crazy I was, I don't know if I can tame that.”

“Well at least I know what to expect now. Though, speaking of not seeing you throughout university I was wondering if you wanted to come to Isla Paradiso over the summer? I'd like to actually spend time with you before I lose you to your studies again. I was thinking we could take the houseboat because the whole family is probably going at least for a while, so the main house will be cramped and nobody really likes to go out on the houseboat a lot. I think you’d like it though. It still has 2 separate rooms so you can have your space; I know it’s important to you, I don't want that to turn you away.”

“That sounds like fun I’d love to go.”

“Cool. Now I can’t wait for summer.”

“Me neither.”

We spent the rest of the evening talking about the summer and making plans for what we would do; it was still several months away but I was already excited and had so much I was looking forward to doing. 

4/19/2014

From Farm to Fame: Lexie- Chapter 7

It was time for first semester finals before I even knew it. I’d taken all my core courses in my first semester; it gave me a chance to retake them in the second semester if I needed to, and I could apply for university as soon as I got my grades back without worrying that I’d end up failing something that cause them to reject me but It meant that I would have to write 4 diploma exams. It had been hard enough to keep up during the semester; I still had music club to worry about twice a week and I still had to make time to spend with my friends, squeezing it all in while still trying to focus on class and studying outside of class kept me busy.
I’d spent most of winter break at home studying. I had a lot to study and only about a month to study it and I’d had no desire in spending my time around town having the holidays shoved in my face constantly; I just needed to forget why I hated that time of year, what had happened a year earlier, not be reminded of how I much it sucked if you didn’t really have anybody to celebrate with. I’d barely hung out with Jayson, Katrina, or Levi over the holidays. I just really wanted to be left alone to be miserable if I wasn’t studying. They had all just accepted it over the break and let me be.

They weren’t so accepting when classes resumed and I still didn’t want to hang out outside of school; Levi especially. He was getting frustrated with the fact that it seemed like he didn’t really have a girlfriend anymore; I didn’t really blame him, I knew I wasn’t being devoted enough to the relationship, I felt bad but it was only for a month or so and I promised him that we’d spend a lot more time together when exams were over. I still had to promise to take a certain amount of time away from studying to spend with him, but I just felt more stressed out when I wasn’t studying and wasn’t very much fun anyway; I could tell how frustrating it was to him and tried to loosen up a bit but I just couldn’t and I hoped he didn’t hate me by the end of exams.

I did try to take breaks from studying every hour or two; just a few minutes, maybe half an hour, long enough to just clear my mind a bit so I could focus better later but not so long that I started to stress too much about losing time. I usually just wanted to watch TV for a little, but Zoe was still always sitting on the sofa watching TV, she still didn’t do anything else, and she still left a mess all over that I didn’t have time to clean up; I didn’t want to sit in the filth and try to tolerate whatever stupid show she was watching; usually I ended up just taking a walk around the block; the walk around in the fresh air was probably better anyway.

I was relieved when exams were over and I could relax a bit; I even had a few days left of exam break after my final exam so I could relax a bit before going back to school. Levi was happy because I promised to spend almost all of it with him; I even promised to go out with him that night. He did have an exam in the afternoon or I would have met him after my exam in the morning, but it was nice in a way because I could relax at home for a bit and unwind first. I really just wanted to sit down and watch TV, the idea of being able to just sit there and not really have to focus on anything seemed great; I didn’t even care what was on and was willing to watch whatever Zoe wanted to watch. I had however forgotten how bad the mess was and that I just couldn’t deal with. I couldn’t even sit down; I wanted to leave the room as soon as I walked in.

I knew what she would say, but I asked her anyway, “Zoe, can you clean this up please?”

She didn’t even look at me and just kept focused on the TV, “No. You can though.”

“I’m not cleaning up your messes anymore. Please clean it up.”

“Well then I guess you’ll just have to get used to it, ‘cause I’m not cleaning it up.”

“Just clean it up. I can’t deal with this mess.”

“No.”

“Zoe, clean up this mess, now.”

“You’re not mom. Don’t tell me what to do.”

“Ugh you’re so difficult. Why can’t you just clean this up? What is the big deal?”

“I don’t want to and I’m tired of you trying to act like you can make me. What makes you so special that I have to listen to you?”

“What makes you think that you can just leave it all for me? I have enough else to deal with, all you do is sit around on your lazy ass all day and watch TV, the least you could do is clean up after yourself. I’m just tired of you just leaving everything for me to deal with.”

She stood up and walked over to stand in front of me. “I’m just tired of you. 17 years of putting up with you, and now it’s even worse ‘cause you think you’re so special now that mom and dad aren’t here. You think can boss me around and you can’t, I can do whatever the hell I want and you can’t stop me.”

She kept walking but turned around grinning just as she reached the doorway, she walked back over stopped in front of me again and raised her hand, “Nobody can stop me.” She slapped me hard against the side of my face.

“What the hell was that for?”

“Just a reminder that you’re not the boss. How about you clean up that mess now?”

She’d raised her hand again, but I caught it, looked her dead in the eye and warned her, “Just let me remind you that nobody can stop me either and I can do more than just slap you.” Zoe, fortunately, possessed no magical abilities and while the truth was that I didn't know any spells that would do anything more than turn her to for a couple hours, she was terrified and believed I could do a lot worse.

She pulled her hand free and plopped back down on the sofa,“I’m still not cleaning this up.”

“Fine. Whatever. I have to go get ready, I don’t have time to argue with you.”

I still had a couple hours before I had to actually get ready but I didn’t feel like arguing with her or even being around her. I couldn’t believe I once again had to put up with being hit by sister; I wanted to cry, but I didn’t want her so see me doing so. By the time I got to my room I’d decided it wasn’t worth the tears. I texted Levi, Wanna meet up sooner? I'd feel better when I was with him.

I went to cover up the spot where Zoe hit me while I waited for Levi to respond. It only took  a couple minutes along with touching up the rest of my makeup and fixing my hair; Levi still hadn’t responded, but I knew he was probably still writing his exam, I just decided to head out  towards the school anyway.

I was walking past the living room when I heard her sniffling and crying. I was surprised; I’d never seen her cry before and despite still being mad at her over what had happened earlier I felt bad for her. “Zoe, are you okay?”

‘Yeah I’m fine.” She responded between sobs.

“You don’t sound fine. I’ve never seen you cry before, I didn't even know it was something you're capable of, something’s wrong. What is it?”

“Nothing, just leave me alone.” She snapped before standing up to walk away. She was hardly a step past me when she paused, turned around, and went to lean in and cry on my shoulder.

I was too shocked to really know how to respond. “Uh….” I wanted to push her away and just be happy that she was miserable but I realized I couldn’t so I just let her lean her head on my shoulder and awkwardly hugged her trying to comfort her. “Okay, will you tell me what’s wrong now?”

She didn’t respond but just kept crying.

She was still crying on my shoulder when my phone vibrated in my pocket, I had to try digging it out without disturbing her too much; it was Levi’s response to my text, Sure. Where and when?

I dreaded texting him back, because I knew he wouldn’t like that I wasn’t cancelling, but despite the fact that I did want to just let Zoe cry and be miserable on her own I just couldn’t actually bring myself to do it. It didn’t help that it was awkward to text around Zoe and I had to make it brief. Can’t make it. Sorry. Explain later.

He just responded, Don’t bother.

“Well, that should make you happy, you may have just cost me a boyfriend.” I said to Zoe as I texted Levi, It’s Zoe, hoping he’d understand. "My misery usually makes you happy."

It was about an hour before I got her to calm down enough that I could let her go. Levi hadn’t responded at all I still didn’t know if he’d forgive me or not. I wanted just go over to his house and try to talk to him, but instead I went to make some tea for myself and Zoe and prepared for a long night at home with her; though I wondered if it was really the best choice.

3/03/2014

From Farm to Fame: Lexie- Chapter 6

Summer was lonely. Jayson was away all summer visiting family in various places, he went away every summer. Levi and Catrina and had gone back to Isla Paradiso for the summer to visit friends and family. I messaged back and forth with them on the computer as much as I could, but it wasn't the same as having them around to hang out with and talk to face to face. Normally I spent the summer hanging out with my family too, but all I had left was Zoe and we still didn't get along well enough to hang out or have nice conversations with each other.

Zoe ignored me as much as possible, and I gladly returned the favour by ignoring her as much as possible. I tried a couple more times to get her to open up to me about how she was feeling, but it always ended with her getting angry and storming off on me, so eventually I gave up. I did enjoy the fact that she didn't talk to me anymore, the silence was far better than the insults and threats I'd become used to. Mostly Zoe just sat on the sofa watching TV and only talked to me long enough to tell me off for trying to change the channel; I'd learned to just tolerate whatever she was watching when I wanted to watch TV, it didn't matter much since I seldom watched TV anyway. I did get annoyed by the messes of snack wrappers and dirty dishes she left around for me to clean up while she just sat there, but it wasn't something that seemed worth arguing either so I didn't bother to say anything.

Summer was boring. I'd signed up for summer school in an attempt to improve my grades since I'd barely passed all my classes. I was heading into my final year of high school, and I needed better grades to be able to take the courses that I would need for university; I wanted to study medicine and even though I'd only decided on that a couple months earlier I'd already become very serious about it. I spent most of my time in class studying, and I spent a lot of time at home studying. It was boring having to do it all over but it still helped distract me from how lonely I was and I knew I'd be bored at home too; at least it was more productive than sitting around home wallowing in misery.

Summer was just miserable. I looked forward to going back to school and regular classes. I looked forward to learning new content instead of spending two months reviewing content from the year before. Mostly I looked forward to seeing my friends again. I'd always hated going back to school, but for a change I was looking forward to it.

I couldn't have been more excited than when the first day back at school finally arrived; it had seemed like it never would. Levi was already waiting for me when I arrived at the school, we'd all promised to meet outside by the doors, but I hadn't expected anybody else to be there yet. I couldn't help myself from running over to give him a hug. I missed him the most. We'd grown a lot closer during the last couple months of the previous school year and though I still hadn't felt like dating him by the end of the year I had realized over the summer that I missed him too much to only be friends; it felt like I was missing more than a friend, and I just hoped he hadn't lost interest over the summer. "I'm glad, you're back, I missed you so much!"

He just hugged me tighter and I hoped that he would never let go. "I missed you too, though if this is how I'm welcomed back I should go away more often."

"No. Not allowed." I just rested my head on his shoulder, I was very comfortable and happy wrapped up his arms.

Catrina came running up towards us a minute or two later shouting and ruining the moment. "Lexie! I missed you."

We exchanged a friendly hug after Levi let me go. Catrina and I had become really close too. She was the only female friend I had, so I could talk to her about more than I could talk to Levi and Jayson about; though it was still awkward to talk to her about my crush on her brother, but other than that I could talk to her about anything. "I missed you too."

Jayson joined us a couple minutes later, though he'd already been back for a couple days and we'd already hung out once since he'd been back so we didn't need to hug and gush over how much we missed each other. We just all decided to go inside where it and hang out in the lobby until classes started.

Catrina noticed the afterschool activity signup sheets once we were inside, they were always posted on the bulletin board by the door for the first week or so of school but I'd never really bothered to look at them before. Catrina insisted we did however; I still wasn't interested, but I couldn't argue if she wanted to. "Hey, look. They have music club. We should sign up Lexie." She exclaimed enthusiastically after studying the board for a couple minutes.

"Oh I don't know." I did have to admit that music club sounded like fun, but I still wasn't sure about joining; I just didn't think I'd fit in.

Catrina had already scribbled on the sign-up sheet. "Too late, I just signed us both up."

"No. Cross me out."

"Oh come on, it'll be fun. Please, just try it. If you don't like it you can quit."

I was reluctant to do so, but I agreed. "Okay, fine."

I did have to admit that once I actually went to music club, I had a good time. Levi ended up signing up too, so at least I had a couple people I knew to go with. We joked about starting a band with the 3 of us. The thought of that definitely made uncomfortable, I could never play in front of other people but Levi and Catrina kept trying to convince me anyway.

Levi and I started dating, I always enjoyed being around him and felt like the luckiest girl in the world. Everything just seemed to be going right for a change and I was happier than I'd been in a long time, possibly ever.