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4/19/2014

From Farm to Fame: Lexie- Chapter 7

It was time for first semester finals before I even knew it. I’d taken all my core courses in my first semester; it gave me a chance to retake them in the second semester if I needed to, and I could apply for university as soon as I got my grades back without worrying that I’d end up failing something that cause them to reject me but It meant that I would have to write 4 diploma exams. It had been hard enough to keep up during the semester; I still had music club to worry about twice a week and I still had to make time to spend with my friends, squeezing it all in while still trying to focus on class and studying outside of class kept me busy.
I’d spent most of winter break at home studying. I had a lot to study and only about a month to study it and I’d had no desire in spending my time around town having the holidays shoved in my face constantly; I just needed to forget why I hated that time of year, what had happened a year earlier, not be reminded of how I much it sucked if you didn’t really have anybody to celebrate with. I’d barely hung out with Jayson, Katrina, or Levi over the holidays. I just really wanted to be left alone to be miserable if I wasn’t studying. They had all just accepted it over the break and let me be.

They weren’t so accepting when classes resumed and I still didn’t want to hang out outside of school; Levi especially. He was getting frustrated with the fact that it seemed like he didn’t really have a girlfriend anymore; I didn’t really blame him, I knew I wasn’t being devoted enough to the relationship, I felt bad but it was only for a month or so and I promised him that we’d spend a lot more time together when exams were over. I still had to promise to take a certain amount of time away from studying to spend with him, but I just felt more stressed out when I wasn’t studying and wasn’t very much fun anyway; I could tell how frustrating it was to him and tried to loosen up a bit but I just couldn’t and I hoped he didn’t hate me by the end of exams.

I did try to take breaks from studying every hour or two; just a few minutes, maybe half an hour, long enough to just clear my mind a bit so I could focus better later but not so long that I started to stress too much about losing time. I usually just wanted to watch TV for a little, but Zoe was still always sitting on the sofa watching TV, she still didn’t do anything else, and she still left a mess all over that I didn’t have time to clean up; I didn’t want to sit in the filth and try to tolerate whatever stupid show she was watching; usually I ended up just taking a walk around the block; the walk around in the fresh air was probably better anyway.

I was relieved when exams were over and I could relax a bit; I even had a few days left of exam break after my final exam so I could relax a bit before going back to school. Levi was happy because I promised to spend almost all of it with him; I even promised to go out with him that night. He did have an exam in the afternoon or I would have met him after my exam in the morning, but it was nice in a way because I could relax at home for a bit and unwind first. I really just wanted to sit down and watch TV, the idea of being able to just sit there and not really have to focus on anything seemed great; I didn’t even care what was on and was willing to watch whatever Zoe wanted to watch. I had however forgotten how bad the mess was and that I just couldn’t deal with. I couldn’t even sit down; I wanted to leave the room as soon as I walked in.

I knew what she would say, but I asked her anyway, “Zoe, can you clean this up please?”

She didn’t even look at me and just kept focused on the TV, “No. You can though.”

“I’m not cleaning up your messes anymore. Please clean it up.”

“Well then I guess you’ll just have to get used to it, ‘cause I’m not cleaning it up.”

“Just clean it up. I can’t deal with this mess.”

“No.”

“Zoe, clean up this mess, now.”

“You’re not mom. Don’t tell me what to do.”

“Ugh you’re so difficult. Why can’t you just clean this up? What is the big deal?”

“I don’t want to and I’m tired of you trying to act like you can make me. What makes you so special that I have to listen to you?”

“What makes you think that you can just leave it all for me? I have enough else to deal with, all you do is sit around on your lazy ass all day and watch TV, the least you could do is clean up after yourself. I’m just tired of you just leaving everything for me to deal with.”

She stood up and walked over to stand in front of me. “I’m just tired of you. 17 years of putting up with you, and now it’s even worse ‘cause you think you’re so special now that mom and dad aren’t here. You think can boss me around and you can’t, I can do whatever the hell I want and you can’t stop me.”

She kept walking but turned around grinning just as she reached the doorway, she walked back over stopped in front of me again and raised her hand, “Nobody can stop me.” She slapped me hard against the side of my face.

“What the hell was that for?”

“Just a reminder that you’re not the boss. How about you clean up that mess now?”

She’d raised her hand again, but I caught it, looked her dead in the eye and warned her, “Just let me remind you that nobody can stop me either and I can do more than just slap you.” Zoe, fortunately, possessed no magical abilities and while the truth was that I didn't know any spells that would do anything more than turn her to for a couple hours, she was terrified and believed I could do a lot worse.

She pulled her hand free and plopped back down on the sofa,“I’m still not cleaning this up.”

“Fine. Whatever. I have to go get ready, I don’t have time to argue with you.”

I still had a couple hours before I had to actually get ready but I didn’t feel like arguing with her or even being around her. I couldn’t believe I once again had to put up with being hit by sister; I wanted to cry, but I didn’t want her so see me doing so. By the time I got to my room I’d decided it wasn’t worth the tears. I texted Levi, Wanna meet up sooner? I'd feel better when I was with him.

I went to cover up the spot where Zoe hit me while I waited for Levi to respond. It only took  a couple minutes along with touching up the rest of my makeup and fixing my hair; Levi still hadn’t responded, but I knew he was probably still writing his exam, I just decided to head out  towards the school anyway.

I was walking past the living room when I heard her sniffling and crying. I was surprised; I’d never seen her cry before and despite still being mad at her over what had happened earlier I felt bad for her. “Zoe, are you okay?”

‘Yeah I’m fine.” She responded between sobs.

“You don’t sound fine. I’ve never seen you cry before, I didn't even know it was something you're capable of, something’s wrong. What is it?”

“Nothing, just leave me alone.” She snapped before standing up to walk away. She was hardly a step past me when she paused, turned around, and went to lean in and cry on my shoulder.

I was too shocked to really know how to respond. “Uh….” I wanted to push her away and just be happy that she was miserable but I realized I couldn’t so I just let her lean her head on my shoulder and awkwardly hugged her trying to comfort her. “Okay, will you tell me what’s wrong now?”

She didn’t respond but just kept crying.

She was still crying on my shoulder when my phone vibrated in my pocket, I had to try digging it out without disturbing her too much; it was Levi’s response to my text, Sure. Where and when?

I dreaded texting him back, because I knew he wouldn’t like that I wasn’t cancelling, but despite the fact that I did want to just let Zoe cry and be miserable on her own I just couldn’t actually bring myself to do it. It didn’t help that it was awkward to text around Zoe and I had to make it brief. Can’t make it. Sorry. Explain later.

He just responded, Don’t bother.

“Well, that should make you happy, you may have just cost me a boyfriend.” I said to Zoe as I texted Levi, It’s Zoe, hoping he’d understand. "My misery usually makes you happy."

It was about an hour before I got her to calm down enough that I could let her go. Levi hadn’t responded at all I still didn’t know if he’d forgive me or not. I wanted just go over to his house and try to talk to him, but instead I went to make some tea for myself and Zoe and prepared for a long night at home with her; though I wondered if it was really the best choice.